


The Machinations of A Septic Markiplite's Mind

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Affection, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Body Image, Brotherly Bonding, Canon Compliant, Caretaking, Christmas Fluff, Companions, Crying, Cultural Differences, Dancing and Singing, Developing Friendships, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Everyone Needs A Hug, Exploration, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Fear, Flirting, Fluff and Mush, Getting to Know Each Other, Grief/Mourning, Headcanon, Headcanon Accepted, Hugs, Men Crying, Multi, Multiple Selves, Phobias, Queerplatonic Relationships, Romance, Sleep, Slice of Life, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-02-07 09:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 22,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12838359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: Have you ever wondered if Antisepticeye can dance? What's Darkiplier's guilty pleasure food? Does a workaholic like Schneeplestein ever sleep? Does Googleplier ever let his guard down? You'll find answers to these questions here. If you choose to accept them...Well, there's no knowing where that could take you.(This is essentially a compilation of all my headcanons for Youtuber Alter Egos. This includes Markiplier's, Jacksepticeye's, Pewdiepie's and others. They've been pretty popular on other sites where I've shared them, so I decided to sort them all here! Some will focus on dynamics between very specific characters and some may include illustrations, depending on how much inspiration I have. I hope you enjoy; feel free to share your ideas and opinions!)





	1. How They Sleep

Don’t mind me, I should probably be asleep right now but I’m writing headcanons about how the Egos sleep instead, haha ^^

**Septic Boys**

Anti: He doesn’t. He just fizzles out into static during the nighttime, so it doesn’t really count as “sleeping”, more like “ghosting.” He haunts the halls…

Jackieboy: He sprawls out on his back with his arms under his head and stays that way for the whole night, but somehow his blankets always end up tangled and, to his dismay, his mask is usually down around his neck when he wakes up. How it does that, he has no idea, but he doesn’t want his identity revealed! Sometimes he snores if he’s crashed pretty hard, but otherwise he’s a quiet sleeper.

Marvin: He pushes his cat mask up onto his forehead and bundles himself in his cape with nothing but his head and arms free. He’s a fidgety/twitchy sleeper, so occasionally his fingers will catch some sparks of magic if he’s dreaming. He usually sleeps on his back so his mask won’t get crunched, but sometimes he’ll turn on his side without realizing. 

Schneep: He sleeps on his stomach, usually with an arm over the side of the bed and the blankets down around his waist. Thanks to his caffeine addiction, he’s a light sleeper, so if anyone tries to help him out and readjust the blankets for more warmth, he’ll just wake up all confused and groggy until they tell him to go back to sleep. When he’s comfortable, he snores very softly. 

Chase: He always sleeps on his side, with an arm and a leg thrown over a body pillow so he can pretend his wife is with him. Sadly he has the most nightmares out of the group – not the scary kind, just the sad kind – so sometimes he’ll wake himself up crying, but on the good nights, he’s a sound sleeper.

Robbie: Like Anti, he doesn’t sleep and is really confused by it; he wanders around, poking through various rooms to find the others. If/when he does happen to find one of them, he watches them sleep for a little while, wondering if they’re actually dead, and then wanders off again. He’s always surprised when he sees them alive again in the morning!

Jameson Jackson (Dapper Jack): He usually sleeps in a chair or on the couch with his feet propped up and his hat low over his eyes. If it’s a really cold night, he’ll find a blanket somewhere to put over his legs, but otherwise he’s fine without it. He often talks in his sleep, but because he’s mute, no one ever hears and they’re rarely coherent enough to appear on his speech slides.

**Markimoos**

Dark: He sleeps in his suit, though he does take off his shoes and occasionally his tie. He stays on his back with an arm over his eyes and the other over his chest. Even though Dark himself doesn’t move the whole night, his aura tends to get restless when he’s sleeping; smoke will spazz out of him and start creeping/swirling up the walls if he’s dreaming. Sometimes he’ll murmur or hum low in his throat, but it’s so quiet that most people can’t hear it.

Wilford: He puts his gun on one side of the bed, two knives on the other, throws five or six overstuffed pillows on top of them, and then throws himself on top of those. He’s a really restless sleeper, so he may end up burrowing under the pillow pile with his weapons bare inches from his face, and he snores  _loud._

The Host: He alternates between his stomach and his side, with the blankets covering everything but the top of his head. Sometimes his visions filter into his dreams, though, and that’s when he gets fidgety. He’ll toss and turn and mumble in his sleep until he wakes up normally or startles out of it. By that time his blankets will probably be wedged between the bed and the wall.

Dr. Iplier: He’s a stop-and-start sleeper, waking up randomly to make sure everything’s well. He usually sleeps on his stomach with his face against his arms, moving between his desk and his bed a few times through the night.  ****He snores fairly loud, but it’s usually muffled by his arms, and he always keeps his blankets tight around his shoulders because he gets cold easily.

Google: He usually stays sitting up when he’s powered down – that or he’ll prop himself up a little with pillows. He stays on his back with his arms folded over his chest to protect his power core. He’ll whir, whine, or chirp occasionally if he’s on “sleep/hibernate”, but if he’s actually  _resting_ , he’ll vibrate or purr steadily.

Bing: He squirms into all kinds of weird, uncomfortable-looking positions and is always sort of rattle-purring, no matter how light or heavy his power-down is. Sometimes he may startle awake and find himself upside down on the bed or mere inches from falling off.

Yandere: He curls up into a tiny ball, sighing or humming lightly if he’s dreaming. He may bring one of his senpai’s belongings to bed with him and keeps it close to his face so he can breathe in its scent. He has a lot of blankets because he gets really cold in the night, but he always keeps one side open/folded back, as if he’s waiting for someone. He keeps his swords tucked underneath his knees.

Bim: He stretches out on his stomach with his arms tucked underneath him, without any blanket other than the thin top sheet, looking as if he just collapsed into bed without bothering to readjust at all. Like Dark, he usually sleeps in his suit, and he does snore, but not loud enough to be too annoying. 

Silver Shepherd: He usually sleeps on top of the blankets instead of underneath them, in case he gets called for a mission late at night. He tucks his cape close around his shoulders and waist and keeps his girlfriend’s hand between his, close to his chest. Occasionally he’ll murmur something under his breath, but otherwise he’s quiet.

Edgar: He takes up the whole bed, fidgeting and squirming for most of the night; he usually won’t get comfortable until it’s almost dawn. He always does his best to keep his hat and glasses on when he’s asleep, but by the time he wakes up his hat’s usually across the room and his glasses are lost somewhere in the blankets.

King of the Squirrels: He cleans off the peanut butter for once before going to bed because he doesn’t like the feeling of his face sticking to the pillow. He sleeps on his stomach and doesn’t have any blankets; all he needs are his kingly furs to keep him warm and he’s a really deep sleeper. It takes a lot to get him up in the morning.

Jim and Jim: The brothers curl up back to back. Cameraman Jim doesn’t move for the entire night unless Reporter Jim wakes him up by kicking/elbowing him or by rolling over/falling off the side of the bed. Reporter Jim will usually be wide awake after that and keep Cameraman Jim up too, excitedly telling him what all of his dreams were about.


	2. How and What They Eat

Here I am with more headcanons! :D The Egos’ favorite foods/eating habits!

**Septic Boys**

Anti: He rarely ever eats, given how his body works, but he’ll still go for any kind of meat. He prefers it rare or medium rare and kind of stringy so he can horrify all of the others with how he chews. He has absolutely no finesse about it; he doesn’t even sit down. Aside from slicing and dicing with his knife, he always eats with his hands; he likes feeling the blood coat his fingers.

Jackieboy: He goes for all kinds of crunchy snacks as his main meals: romaine lettuce, pickles and apples, chips, crackers, popcorn, and  _lots_ of cereal (His supreme favorite is Apple Jacks). Like Anti, he’s usually a finger-eater but always makes sure to wash the residue off his gloves afterward; given how often he has to wipe his eyes, he hates getting salt and sugar in them! He doesn’t go to the table often; he stays in the living room so he can nap or watch TV after he eats.

Marvin: He’s the only one who takes the time to sit down at the table  _every_ time he eats like it’s a full, proper meal. He prefers foods like lo mein, orange chicken, jasmine rice, chilies, anything with an Asian air about it, though his absolute favorite is sushi. He most often uses a fork for his meals, but he’s practicing with his wand because of its similarity to chopsticks. This means his magic can get a little askew while he’s eating; some of his food will end up a little charred.

Schneep: Apart from making a mean potato soup – with enough portions for three weeks – he adores seafood and spicy things. Shrimp, crab puffs, and tilapia are his favorite, especially with lemony spices, pepper, and hot sauce over them. He’s something of a messy eater if he’s in a hurry, but he’ll always take the time to race to the table, wolf it down and explain to the cook how much he loves it while trying not to choke because he’s talking with his mouth full. 

Chase: Sweet breakfast foods. Most of his meals are comprised of pancakes, waffles, canned fruit, and crepes, but occasionally he’ll fight with Jackieboy over the cereals if he finds he’s craving a specific one. When those aren’t available, he’ll turn to easy things like granola bars and yogurt. He’s not as faithful about it as Marvin is, but he’ll take time and put his feet up for breakfast, dinner, or both.

Robbie: He’s only allowed to have foods that are easy to swallow, like mashed potatoes, applesauce, and mac and cheese. He makes Anti look rather prim and proper in terms of messiness; most of his food ends up on the floor or in his hair but occasionally, if he’s in decent control of his jaw, he can treat himself to fried chicken provided one of the others is supervising. He doesn’t mind at all if he eats the bones and he  _loves_  tartar sauce.

Jameson Jackson (Dapper Jack): He’s in love with scones and tea sandwiches, especially cucumber sandwiches that he can eat in one bite. Just to be proper, he tends to use a fork with them, no matter how small they are, but he’s learned to avoid knives because of his broad hand gestures. He likes to focus entirely on taking his time and enjoying his meal but usually doesn’t get the opportunity before one of the others starts distracting him. Most of his meals go unfinished, even though they’re the smallest.

**Markimoos**

Dark: He prefers saucy/creamy foods, like Chicken Parmesan, beef stroganoff, various pot pies, chowder soups, and chocolate ice cream. He  _never_ eats with his fingers unless it’s to mock someone else for doing it first and as of yet, no one’s ever witnessed him spill. He sits down on time for every meal but may take it to the desk in his room to eat in private if he doesn’t feel like socializing. 

Wilford: Jams, jellies, custards, milkshakes – all manner of dairy-based things! He rarely ever eats savory foods, but occasionally he’ll dump bitter spices into the mix to shake things up. He constantly eats with his fingers just to exasperate Dark and especially enjoys dunking whatever solid foods he has into a glass of milk. Those solid foods are usually Poptarts and granola or chocolate bars.

The Host: He loves Mexican food, to the point of categorizing his favorite salsas. He orders out at least once a week and can easily taste the difference if someone has been careless or forgot to add something to his burrito. He eats very carefully and always uses a spoon, but he goes through a lot of napkins anyway because he doesn’t want to risk getting blood from his face in his food. 

Dr. Iplier: He’ll go for all manners of salad—fruit salad, potato salad, bean salad, pasta salad—and coleslaw and usually just eats them out of the container while he’s working, but when he has time for a real meal, he prefers them as side dishes to pastas. He likes acting fancy with his food but usually just looks like he’s picking at it helplessly; despite his fine motor controls, forks don’t agree with him and spoons are the bane of his existence. He’s even resorted to using his scalpel as a utensil, much to the others’ disbelief. It actually serves him well when he does!

Google: He doesn’t strictly  _need_  to eat, but the one time he tried, he was out on his own, stopped at a fast food restaurant, and secretly fell in love with French fries and onion rings – not breaded rings, literally cuts of onion. Since then, he’s bravely resisted the urge to have them again, so at the moment no one else knows.

Bing: He’ll only ever eat refrigerated foods, like popsicles and ice cream bars, but by the time he remembers that they’re in the back of the freezer, Wilford has usually gotten to them. Because of that, he’s a very fast eater, barely stopping to enjoy the taste before they’re gone.

Yandere: He likes very light but flavorful foods, like meringues and wafers – foods that he doesn’t have to take a long time chewing. He does his best to be a clean eater but if anyone addresses him while he’s eating, he’ll automatically respond and start spilling everything around him. He’s not good at multitasking when he’s eating and forks and knives don’t help, so he alternates between spoons and his fingers.

Bim: He’s a burger connoisseur and is often the one to make sure their fast food was assembled correctly before everyone eats. He’s a very picky eater and, like Host, notices if even one thing is out of place. When he finds one place that serves his food exactly how he likes it, he becomes one of their best customers. He loves company while he eats, even if he takes up most of the conversation and forgets to actually eat until his companion is finished. From there he’s on his own, but he still enjoys the food.

Silver Shepherd: He’s addicted to fruit and cheese; it’s the majority of his meals, especially strawberries and watermelon. His oversized gloves make it really difficult to hold utensils, but he refuses to take them off, so he wraps his fingers up in napkins to avoid stains and just sort of rolls his food around until he can get it in the proper position to pick it up. He’s a really precarious eater because of it, prone to losing a few fruits along the way, but he’ll always clean up after himself, no matter how long it takes.

Edgar: He rarely ever has any sweet foodstuff aside from honey. He prefers heavier foods like baked potatoes, chili fries and meatloaf and he’ll always use his hands unless he’s being forced to sit at the table with the others. He doesn’t talk much when he’s eating unless it’s to gossip or offer a sales pitch and he’s usually the second to leave, after Dark, so he can enjoy his food somewhere else if the table gets too excitable.

King of the Squirrels: He and Wilford share the jams and jellies; he leaves the peanut butter to the squirrels because he doesn’t want them to go hungry. When Wilford isn’t in the mood to share, the King will turn to other dips, like hummus and guacamole, with apples, carrots, and  _other_  nuts like cashews and pecans. As far as anyone knows, he’s never touched a fork or a knife in his life and only uses a spoon to scoop the dip.

Jim and Jim: They aren’t picky at all and are still trying to discover their favorite foods, but they haven’t gotten very far; they are incredibly fast eaters and only have the time for TV dinners and coffee between shoots. Most of their meals tend to get mixed together if one has something the other especially likes, and they only ever use disposable utensils thanks to some unfortunate incidents with the metal ones they’ve used in the past.


	3. How They Dance (Septic Edition)

Here I come with another round of headcanooooons! This time, it’s how the Egos dance! For now it’s just the Septic Boys because there are so many Markimoos that I need to do some more research XD Expect a Part Two!

**Septic Boys**

Anti: He’s only ever done it once or twice in front of the others and it was only because Jack still had some control over him at the time. Whenever he doesn’t know a dance, he can fake it by glitching out to cover any time he fumbles a move. Of all things, he’s a master at the boogie woogie because he can move incredibly fast on his feet.

Jackieboy: He loves, loves,  _loves_  disco dance and dominates the dance floor with it, staying out the entire night, no matter who’s with him. As much as he tries to encourage others to do the disco with him, more often than not the other Egos can’t keep up unless he’s constantly helping them, which isn’t as much fun. Whenever he needs to catch his breath, he’ll just fly up to have a bird’s eye view and cheer the others on.

Marvin: He’s a cloth dancer! Whatever dance he’s doing, he’ll always add twists and turns, graceful spins, and sweeping gestures with his cape. He’s not particularly fast, so if a dance has a faster tempo than he likes, he’ll levitate slightly so he doesn’t have to feel the pressure of keeping up on the floor. At that point, he usually takes the show with his take on aerial silk dancing and says hi to Jackieboy if they happen to be up there at the same time XD

Schneep: He hasn’t danced as much as the others and is always  _way_  too nervous to try unless the others physically drag him out onto the floor and stare him down until he performs. He’s the best at swing dance, which was the first dance he was taught, but usually doesn’t have a partner to do it with unless one of the others volunteers, so his default is tap dancing and once he really gets into it, he has the time of his life.

Chase: Show him any hip-hop dance and he’ll have it memorized by the end of the night. He loves any kind of dance that’s boisterous and over the top and he loves demonstrating it for those who are still learning (like Schneep). Sometimes his moves will get confusing because he’ll smash different kinds of dance together into his own unique style. Needless to say, no one except Jackieboy can match his speed and sometimes, just for fun, they’ll have a little dance battle!

Jameson: He stays the closest to their Irish roots and can usually be found cheerfully jigging along as he admires (or laughs at) all of the others. He also loves the concept of group party dances and always coerces the others into doing them with him, even if it’s a song they’ve heard a thousand times. Sometimes, to make the moment last longer, he’ll put the song on repeat without them noticing.

Robbie: He just kind of sways along to the gentler songs…He learned the hard way that he can’t join in the more energetic dances, given how easy it is for his limbs to fly off, but sometimes Chase or Jameson will teach him how to tap his feet to the beat so he can feel more included.


	4. Schneeplestein + Other Egos

Welp, here we go! Since Schneeplestein is my favorite Ego and I have so many headcanons regarding his relationships with the others, I just had to write them all down!

 **Antisepticeye** :

- _Terror. Sheer terror_. Schneep avoids Anti at all costs; if he hears the Glitch passing through the lab, he lunges immediately for the nearest sharp object and throws it wildly at wherever the noise came from. Sometimes it sticks, sometimes it doesn’t, but Schneep and Anti hate each other’s guts. The only reason Anti has spared Schneep from dying is because he wants to squeeze as much agony and paranoia out of the doctor as he can.That’s the crux of their relationship.

 **Jackieboy Man** :

-The first thing Schneep did when he came to Egos Central was save Jackieboy’s life; the hero had come home injured from a long, terrible day of crime-fighting and when Schneep walked into their lives, he found him bleeding on the floor and was immediately thrust into his new role as their doctor.

-Schneep didn’t know as much English back then as he does now; Jackieboy was the one who taught him a lot of the language and helped him break the habit of randomly lapsing into German. That built a lot of trust and since then, Schneep has been closest to him.

-Schneep thinks of Jackieboy as an older brother/father figure; whenever he’s stressed and needs to vent to someone, if Jack himself isn’t available, he goes to Jackieboy, who’s pretty much the only one who can calm him down before he starts throwing and breaking things that are important.

-Schneep calls him “Jackie” waaay more often than he calls him “Jackieboy”, and the hero is the only one who can call the doc “Henrik” without it sounding weird or making him uncomfortable.

-Both Jackie and Schneep are  _really bad_  at getting their proper amount of sleep, so sometimes they’ll meet up in the kitchen at four in the morning, grab some coffee and snacks, curl up on the couch and watch late night shows until they fall asleep.

 **Marvin The Magnificent** :

-Schneep and Marvin have a relationship that’s a little contentious, but the annoyance is one-sided. Schneep finds that it’s his duty to boost Marvin’s morale about his magic show, but more often than not he just bothers the magician by causing trouble or setting magical things off XD Still, it’s all out of love and even if Marvin snaps at him, they always make up in the end.

-Schneep is absolutely  _fascinated_ with Marvin’s magic. He’ll always be one of Marv’s biggest fans and constantly wants the magician to show him how all of his tricks work. Some of their best bonding moments are when they’re hunched over Marvin’s work desk and Schneep gets all awestruck and excited and sings Marvin’s praises for his ingenuity.

-If Schneep is the others’ caretaker, Marvin’s essentially  _his_ caretaker. If he gets noticeably sleep-deprived, Marv will go so far as to stroll casually into his lab and hypnotize him into sleep. If he’s actually made himself sick because of it, Marv will use his magic to just knock him out quickly and quietly.

-Marv may be the “middle child”, but Schneep always pays a lot of attention to him and, while Schneep doesn’t seem to realize it, Marvin pays him a lot of attention too. He worries about him, plain and simple – the kind of worry where he’d gladly wrap him up in his cape and carry him if the situation called for it, even if it would be embarrassing.

 **Chase Brody** :

-Chase taught Schneep a lot about the arts; whenever he had the time, he tried teaching Schneep how to sing and dance so they could do a few performances for the others and it was definitely a hit.

-Occasionally he invited Schneep to be featured as a guest on his vlog (with mixed results) and whenever Schneep got discouraged about how the fans were receiving him, Chase would drag him out for some coffee and donuts to distract him.

-When Schneep starts overworking, Chase is pretty much the only one who can convince him to stop and rest without using force (like Marvin) or authority (like Jackie). He gradually wears the doc down by lightly nagging, then bantering, and then eventually he turns up the puppy eyes and pleading until he gives in.

-Thanks to their similar family situations, Chase is the one who Schneep will really open up to about his lost family. The two of them have shared a few drunken nights commiserating about their terrible family lives.

 **Jameson Jackson (Dapper Jack)** :

-Schneep treats him with a lot of gentle, earnest encouragement. Jameson, being a mute, was incredibly nervous about meeting the others. Schneep was one of the first to get to him and he always does his best to tone down his excitement around Jameson so as not to scare him…although Jameson’s first “free checkup” wasn’t exactly fun for either of them.

-He takes a role for Jameson that’s a bit like Jackie is for him; he does his best to teach Jameson how to express himself to the others, how to act more confident around them, and various nuances of an Ego’s life. He was the one who gave Jameson the tour of the place and showed him where everything was.

-Sometimes Jameson and Schneep will amuse themselves by trying on each other’s outfits and doing impersonations of each other, which always ends with them sprawled on the floor laughing their lungs out because they’re so bad at it XD


	5. The Host + Other Egos

Here come the relationship headcanons about my second favorite Ego: the Host! <3 It’s moments like these that I realize how many Egos Mark has!

 **Darkiplier** :

–Dark is the Host’s closest friend out of the other Egos. He and Host are queerplatonic (meaning they’re more intimate with each other than “mainstream” friendships but aren’t sexual.) The Host appreciates how he can be himself with Dark, with _everything_ that entails, and Dark admires his perseverance and power.

–When they first started getting to know each other, Dark had every intention of manipulating the Host’s trust in him for his own ends, though that plan is on the backburner now because they’re genuinely fond of each other. Subconsciously Host knows Dark can’t be trusted forever, but he reasons that a little longer won’t hurt.

–Very early in the Host’s existence, when he was only a few months old, he almost died because of a stupid mistake by the King of the Squirrels. The Host is a hemophiliac (someone whose blood doesn’t clot properly) and he got a cut from a kitchen knife when the King bumped him. Dr. Iplier hadn’t been created yet, so Dark, with some help from Wilford, saved his life using some _interesting_ methods. To this day, the Host has no idea how or what they did…Dark and Wilford won’t speak of it.

–Dark is the one who does the Host’s hair once a month; he’s the only one Host will trust not to ruin it. This is their prime opportunity to gossip about the others or discuss their plans and it’s the only time Dark is willing to openly show affection by taking care of him: washing stray blood out of his roots, toning his blond streak, finger-combing the tangles and just generally grooming him. The moment is very easily ruined; as soon as someone walks in, they usually get a hair dryer thrown at them.

–Despite how close as they are, they always call each other by full, formal names so the others won’t suspect they’re a weakness for each other. They are, of course, but they pretend not to be.

–Each of them can sense when the other’s had a nightmare; more often than not, Dark will just _manifest_ from his bed into the Host’s room to calm him down, which can be a pretty long process if Host is panicking. In times like these, nothing is off limits; Dark can do anything he wants/needs to him to bring him back down and has resorted to storytelling, gripping his arms so hard that he bruises them, and shrouding them both in his aura like a panic bubble.

–The Host is strictly chaotic neutral in terms of his loyalty between Dark and Mark. He doesn’t approve of some of Dark’s evil plans and won’t actively participate in them…but he won’t stop him either. If Dark does happen to take over the channel, Host will use it to his advantage, but at the moment he’s just intrigued by the stalemate. Dark is definitely starting to win him over to his side, though.

–The Host has heightened senses, so if Dark wants something from him, he’ll cater to them. The Host has only vague memories of it afterward, but there have been times that Dark’s completely entranced him with his voice or by coaxing him to breathe in his aura, which can make him a little lightheaded and suggestible. Sometimes Dark thinks of it as conditioning him for the future and sometimes he does it simply because he thinks it’s what’s best in the moment.

**Wilford Warfstache**

–The Host and Wilford interact fairly often; they have something of a brotherly relationship. Wilford likes to do various annoying “older brother” jabs and jibes with him, bantering, ruffling his hair, tugging on his bandages, but all of it is out of affection. He likes to think he knows what’s best for the Host but rarely ever acts on it because Dark can and does take care of him most of the time.

–No matter how the others try, Wilford is and always has been the only one who can easily convince the Host to take a break from his work and have some quality time with them. Most of the others don’t know that his convincing involves jabbing a gun into the Host’s ribs and sweetly muttering threats in his ear until he comes along willingly.

–Whenever they get the opportunity to watch TV, Will likes perching on the back of the couch and Host has claimed the left half because it’s the only side with a working footrest, so they’re sitting together a lot. They protect each other’s preferred places with a vengeance.

–It’s very rare that the Host gets sick or injured, but when he does and Wilford finds out about it, he takes it upon himself to swoop in and whisk him off to the doctor (mostly so he can brag about rescuing him later on, but also because he knows everything could hit the fan if they don’t have their proper Host hanging around.)

–Wilford is one of the only Egos who can sneak up on him. The Host _despises_ it when he does that because it usually ends with a Warfstache Hair Ruffle  TM.

**King of the Squirrels**

–The Host and the King were actually pretty close when Host was still the Author and he was the youngest Ego in the house. They spent a lot of time outside together; the King would take the Author on hikes and sometimes when the Author brought out his bat, the King would throw stones for him to smack with it.

–The King was the Author’s beta reader and sometimes he would do dramatic readings of his stories—behind closed doors, of course, because the Host didn’t want Dark and Wilford to know what he was writing ahead of time.

–Sadly, after the unfortunate incident with the kitchen knife (see Dark above, #3), the King was too horrified and guilty to be anywhere near him and backed off. Now that the Author is the Host, every time the King looks at him, he sees the blood and remembers the accident. Host prefers the company of the harsher Egos now, so it’s rather uncomfortable between them.

–The Host _really_ dislikes squirrels, particularly because they like to nest in his writing supplies. This only sets him and the King apart further, but the Host always restrains himself from hurting them because he knows how much it means to the King. The squirrels get returned to the wild looking a bit disheveled but otherwise intact.

**Dr. Iplier**

–They aren’t as close as everyone assumes them to be. More often than not, the doctor is really frustrated with the Host and his self-care (or the lack of it). He does think and worry about the Host more than the others, but he’s not that good at voicing his concerns in a way that the Host will accept. His lack of a bedside manner always gets in the way and he just ends up nagging at him. They’ve had some pretty lengthy passive-aggressive fights because of it.

–Despite that, they’re pretty good friends outside of the care aspect. They like to have lunch together or go on casual walks. For their walks, Dr. Iplier always keeps their arms linked because the Host can—and _has_ —fallen into ditches if he doesn’t watch where he steps.

–The doctor is the only one who doesn’t fear or admire the Host to any degree. He does think his powers are dangerous, but he’s not in awe of them; he treats them like any other part of him and that’s partially why the Host trusts him to take such good care of him. He treats him like he’s the same as any other Ego.

**Silver Shepherd**

–They aren’t exactly close, but Shepherd feels sorry for him. He’s surprisingly insightful about the hardships of the Host’s condition and sees a lot more than the Host would expect. He gets fairly nervous about it, but when he eventually musters up the courage to ask if Host needs help with anything, it’s always at just the right moment. He’s also the one who checks in on him the most, apart from the doctor, and the Host tolerates his tentative pestering because he knows his heart’s in the right place.

–They’ve struck up an odd habit of sharing pillows. Whenever the Host’s pillows get too bloody in the night, he can count on the fact that Shepherd’s put an extra one in his closet sometime during the day. The next night, Shepherd will find one of the Host’s in his closet, with a fresh pillowcase. At the end of the week or at the next movie night, they’ll swap back.

–Much to the Host’s surprise, he’s the one Shepherd turns to for advice about mundane things in their lives, like what he should say the next time he’s in an argument or ideas for where to take his girlfriend on their next date. Host doesn’t really understand why, but deep down he likes knowing that someone looks up to him.

**Googleplier**

–The Host and Google are acquaintances through Dark. They were fairly quiet around each other at first and weren’t really interested in a relationship, but eventually each of them got curious around the other and started probing. It wasn’t exactly a healthy probing either; they started out by purposely putting each other in potentially dangerous situations just to see how they could get out of it… Dark put an end to that once they fell down a flight of stairs together.

–They only started taking each other seriously when they saw each other at their weakest. They started respecting each other’s determination to work through their issues and struck up something of a partnership. Now, whenever they end up in those potentially dangerous places, they low-key watch each other’s backs.

–Neither of them cope with the weather very well. The Host was one of the only people around to take care of Google when he overheated and got a BSOD because of the summer heat, and later on he was forced to rely on Google to guide him when they were dragged by the others to an ice skating rink. Whenever it’s too hot or too cold outside, they’ll take refuge with each other in one of their rooms and usually won’t come out until dinnertime.

–In the King’s absence, Google is now the Host’s beta reader. The others suspect that Google’s test reading is monotone and boring, but once Google starts enjoying what he’s reading, he’ll steal voices from his files or from the internet to give it an extra flair. The Host loves it to pieces.

– Host, Google, and Dark are all multilingual, so if they don’t want the others nosing in on their conversations, they just have to switch to another language. They do have to avoid Bing while they do it, though; he’s the only one with a chance of translating it.

**Bim Trimmer**

–The Host is somewhat wary around Bim simply because of how constantly energetic he is. Bim is always trying to convince the Host to try his favorite drink: hot chocolate with cinnamon, whip cream, and six shots of expresso. He hasn’t succeeded yet, but he won’t stop trying until he sees the day when the Host hits a sugar high.

–The two of them are the pickiest eaters out of the group and they’re both foodies, so they’ll always team up to make sure everything is seasoned and fixed properly, no matter if it’s takeout or homemade. They used to cook together pretty often, until the others started finding blood in their food. Still, Bim misses their cooking and takes any opportunity he has to give the Host new foods to try.

–Whenever they bump into each other, Bim is fond of using the show business line, “And here’s our Host!” as a hello. The Host always cracks a little smile because of it; it’s something of an inside joke between them.

**Ed Edgar**

–Host and Ed Edgar spend a surprising amount of time together, but they don’t talk much. Edgar is actually the best artist in the group, so sometimes he and the Host will wander off to a quiet spot together for writing and drawing. They’ll be on opposite sides of the room from each other, but every so often one of them will break the silence to ask if they can borrow some paper.

 –Edgar is the only one who’s seen the Host drunk; he never really learned what it was about, but he made sure none of the others found out and gave Host several tips for covertly dealing with a hangover.

–The Host is the one who taught Edgar to navigate a touchscreen laptop, though neither of them were very happy about it. It involved a lot of bickering and swearing and halfway through figuring out Mark’s editing software, the computer ended up lodged in the wall. Every so often they’ll find another piece of broken glass somewhere in the carpet, but they still got the job done in the end and that’s what counts!

–Edgar is the one who fixes the Host’s furniture whenever it’s creaky or otherwise not working, particularly his desk chair. For some reason, Ed really enjoys the process, so he always goes to extra trouble and finds a way to make it a little more comfortable. Given that the Host uses it every day, the efforts definitely don’t go to waste.

**Yandereplier**

–The Host doesn’t think much of Yandere; he’s too clingy and dramatic for his tastes, but Yandere knows that if he could get the Host to like him, he might manipulate his story so his relationship with his senpai can have a better ending. He’s a bit of a suck-up to the Host because of it, which Host tolerates only because he knows how dangerous he can be if he’s rejected. Most of the time, Host thinks of Yandere like a really annoying little brother, but other times he can’t help but throw him a bone of affection because of how desperately earnest he is. He’s sure that Yandere’s loyalty will come in handy in the future.

–Yandere is constantly coaxing the Host to shape up when it comes to his dress sense; once, and _only once_ , Yan miraculously managed to get the Host into a suit, but the only photo proof is coincidentally blurry, much to his dismay.

–The one thing the Host admires about Yandere is his singing, but he would never admit it for fear that Yandere would start doing it constantly to impress him.

–Yandere is most easily manipulated/susceptible to the Host’s narrations; there have been just a few times, when the Host is especially angry, that he’s actively sought Yandere out and controlled him long enough to give a hearty slap to whoever’s offended him. Yan is terrified of that, so whenever it happens, he’ll stay away from the Host for a few days, but he always comes back eventually.

**Jim and Jim**

–The Jims are _incredibly_ nervous around the Host and frankly, he enjoys that. He hates how nosy they are and has absolutely no intention of letting them find out any more about him than what the others tell them, so he’s taken to giving them unsettling smirks to make sure they keep their distance. When they first met, they made the mistake of promising him an exclusive interview, which the Host purposely puts off and puts off just so they can continue to dread the day when they’ll be forced to keep their promise.

**Bingiplier**

–Bing is the only Ego the Host can’t find any good qualities in; Google has spent a lot of time telling the Host just how annoying Bing is. Bing, for his part, thinks the Host is unendingly boring, so they barely know each other at all.


	6. How They Prepare For Christmas

Hey! If any of you are feeling down at the moment, imagine the Egos getting ready for Christmas:

Imagine Dr. Iplier goes shopping at one of the malls near Egos Incorporated, with Wilford insisting that he go along. When they meet up by the checkout line, Wilford’s tracked down every ugly, garish, uncomfortable Christmas sweater in the store and he begs/whines/threatens the doctor until he buys _every single one_. Imagine Wilford bursting out of his room every morning with a new sweater on, showing it off to everyone else whenever they make the mistake of glancing his way, and then snuggling up in the pile to keep himself warm at night.

Imagine Marvin spending hours in the kitchen, blasting Christmas music and singing at the top of his lungs while he bakes more cookies than they know what to do with. Imagine Robbie sort of humming/groaning along to the music as he sits at the table and tries to decorate the cookies. When he has trouble keeping the icing neat, Jameson cheerfully steps in, setting his hat on Robbie’s head and rolling his sleeves up to help him.

Imagine Bim and Yandere huddled by the frosty window in jackets, gloves, slippers and blankets, taking turns reading Christmas books and teasing or giggling at each other when their gloves make it hard for them to turn pages. Imagine them eventually getting too cold and trying to awkwardly move to the couch, tripping over all of their blankets and dropping their books and eventually just rolling around laughing on the floor, with the other Egos shaking their heads across the room.

Imagine Chase vlogging on his Bro Average channel again, with a challenge of how many candy canes he can eat in five minutes. He gets close to the camera when he’s finished, staring back at the viewer with warm, bright eyes and a sweet little half-smile while he wishes them a Merry Christmas with their families. Imagine that after he turns the camera off, he takes the rest of the candy canes and spends his evening on the street, handing them out to anyone who looks like they’re traveling alone.

Imagine Dark and the Host taking walks in the evenings, when the other Egos think it’s way too cold to be outside. They walk shoulder to shoulder, in long black coats and scarves that gradually become white with the snow, while they talk about how excited the others are getting for the season. Imagine them stopping in front of the light display on someone’s house or store and the Host quietly asks Dark to describe it all to him. Imagine Dark lying to him, making it sound much grander and prettier than it actually is, so the Host will smile as he pictures it.

Imagine Schneep gathering as many versions of “A Christmas Carol” as he can find, filling a big bowl with peppermints and commandeering the couch so he can watch them all back to back. One by one, the others pop in and curl up with him, mixing their own favorite candies into the peppermints until they’re spilling all over the coffee table. Imagine Schneep always cheering and jumping up and down and scattering candy wrappers whenever he sees that Tiny Tim survives _this_ version of the movie too!

Imagine the King of the Squirrels staying outside all day, hanging tinsel from his favorite trees just outside the grounds and then settling down at the base of one, sipping hot chocolate and completely ignoring the cold. Imagine Silver Shepherd and Ed Edgar tromping out to fetch him and then joining him instead, staring up at the tinsel as the moonlight makes it glow through the branches. Imagine them reminiscing about how beautiful it looked last year and how it looks even brighter this year.

Imagine Jackieboy being an emotional “big brother” and ambushing the others with a group hug, tracking each of them down and dragging them into the huddle while he tells them how grateful he is to have them safe and sound for the holidays. Imagine him looking up and locking eyes with Anti, who’s standing just outside the door, and Jackieboy mouths, _“Even you.”_ Imagine Anti staring back for a few seconds, his black eyes shifting to blue before he disappears.


	7. The Egos + Chica

Well, it was pretty inevitable that this day would come…along with headcanons about the Egos’ relationship with Chica! <3

Dark: He would love to think of her as a pet who would be seen and not heard, but Mark’s Chica is nothing of the sort. Once he saw how excited the others were getting over her, he saw her as a symbol of Mark’s weakness and manifested his own (Dark Chica) out of his aura. She isn’t seen often – in fact, only a few of the other Egos even know she exists – but whenever Dark is feeling particularly defeated or stymied by Mark, he manifests her to lie down on his feet. It grounds him.

Wilford: He spoils Chica absolutely rotten whenever he gets the chance and has special little treats that he gives her which Mark doesn’t know about. None of the others are quite sure what he puts in them, but they tend to make Chica hyper enough to keep up with Wilford. He tends to tell her all of his secrets and acts like she’s his “accomplice.” Whenever she gets tired out after one of their playdates, he’s fond of flopping on the floor with her and just burying his face in her fur.

The Host: He was rather wary around her when he first met her, but that changed when she wandered into his room one time and kept him company while he was writing. He wants nothing more than to nuzzle her like Will does, but he knows that everyone would panic if there was blood on her, so he keeps it to long, slow scratches behind the ears. Sometimes he’ll stop in the middle of his writing and narrate a penlight around his room to keep her occupied. He likes hearing her play.

Dr. Iplier: He doesn’t like it when she finds her way into his lab, but outside of work hours he loves being out in the backyard with her, though he can get kind of overprotective. He tends to stop her in the middle of her playtimes to check her over and make sure she hasn’t hurt herself. Afterward he’ll always give her a rubdown and a bunch of praise, but it isn’t long before they have to do it all again because he thinks she turned or jumped at an awkward angle.

Google: He tries to act aloof and even disgusted around her, so the other Egos try to keep her away from him, but when none of them are around, Google will let her up on his lap and pet her to try and figure out her anatomy. He loves holding her paws but more often than not, it leads to her licking his fingers, which weirds him out a lot.

Bing: He’s one of those unfortunate people who tries very, very hard to get a pet to pay attention to him and come to him, but the pet just won’t. Chica doesn’t dislike him, but she doesn’t pay him much attention. Bing absolutely hates that she’ll sit still for Google and not for him; he’s also tried to teach her tricks in the past and that hasn’t proven very fruitful either.

Yandere: He fawns all over her, much like Wilford, and is most likely to pick her up and twirl around with her or make her dance with him. He gives her all sorts of pet names and baby-talks her because he adores her so much, but he can’t keep up with her most of the time. He doesn’t like playing with her as much as he likes just touching her or holding her.

Bim: He’s afraid of her. Chica jumped on him when they first met and Bim wasn’t expecting it, so she knocked him over and since then he’s tried to avoid her by any means possible. Yandere teases him endlessly for it and often sets him up so he can bond with her, but Bim usually will just hop onto the counter where she can’t reach him and won’t come down until she’s out of the room. He also doesn’t want her getting hair on his suits.

Silver Shepherd: Much to the others’ surprise, he’s the best at getting Chica to listen to directions, so whenever she needs to be scolded or is underfoot at the wrong time, Shepherd’s the one who can discipline her or direct her elsewhere. He can never stay stern with her forever, though; after a few minutes with her, he usually melts and gives her treats and toys anyway. The others usually insist that he be the one to walk her too, so they spend a lot of time together. Sometimes for fun he’ll put his mittens on her paws and try to convince her to walk around in them, but it hasn’t worked yet XD

Edgar: He doesn’t spend a lot of time with her because she might get too curious about spending time with the babies. The others think that’s ridiculous because Chica’s so sweet, but Ed doesn’t want to take the chance. When they do happen to cross paths, he’s usually the one to crouch and give her the really crazy-enthusiastic scratching that leaves all of her fur ruffled and turned up at all the wrong angles, which Chica doesn’t mind!

King of the Squirrels: Chica can’t resist the peanut butter on his face, so he’s the one who’s most likely to get a lick attack. The King is a little skittish around her, so sometimes if he’s not in the mood he’ll take refuge with Bim, but he’s mostly willing to tolerate her as long as she doesn’t scratch him on accident or start scaring his squirrels.

Jim and Jim: When Shepherd doesn’t have the time to walk her, they take over the duty and go on runs with her instead. They fight over who gets to hold the leash _way_ too often. Sometimes they’ll film informal little movies about their adventures with her or take her along while they’re scouting out their news stories, but there have been times that she’s barked and given them away, so they don’t do it as often now. 


	8. Their Favorite Christmas Songs

So after listening to some good ol’ Christmas music, I decided to whip up some headcanons of  **1)**  what the Egos’ favorite Christmas songs are and  **2)**  which ones each of them can sing the best! I’ll only be including the ones I currently have ideas for; some of them may not even  _have_ favorites!

**Septic Boys**

Jackieboy:  **1) + 2) It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas** ; it’s his favorite and he’s great at singing it! He’ll usually sing it while they’re decorating Egos Central, over and over again until the others either get sick of it or just start laughing whenever he starts it up again. He likes holding the long notes for a  _very_ long time just to see if he can hold his breath any better than last year.

Marvin:  **1) It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year** ; he loves making sure that each of the things that he lists in the song happens at some point during the season. Some of them (toasting marshmallows, ghost stories, etc.) have become traditions!  **2) Good King Wenceslas** ; the others love it when he uses his magic to “animate the song”! He’ll have little sparks of light flittering around like the King and his helper while he sings – or he’ll levitate some random household items, but they never know what he’s going to pick! 

Schneep:  **1)**   **Carol of the Bells (Trans-Siberian Orchestra version)** ; he likes it because it sounds very epic and thematic and no one can judge him if he waves his hands around wildly like he’s “conducting”…even if he smacks someone in the face.  **2)**   **Jingle Bell Rock** ; he has the inflections down perfectly and his accent just makes the strange lyrics even better! He doesn’t know why the others ask him to sing it every year, but he does it anyway!

Chase:  **1)**   **The Christmas Shoes** ; it makes him cry every single time no matter how many times he hears it. He could listen to it on a loop and never get tired of it, but it wouldn’t be good for his health because he’d just be crying the entire time…  **2)**   **Frosty The Snowman** ; he always used to sing it to his kids and he’s really good at the playful, bouncy “thumpity-thump” sections!

**Markimoos**

Wilford:  **1) Holly Jolly Christmas** ; as I’ve mentioned before, he loves shouting the lyrics on street corners and throwing mistletoe aggressively at couples passing by XD Simply put, it gets him really excited for the season!  **2) You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch** ; his drawl suits the pacing of the song and he loves the funky lyrics. He also likes sauntering around the house as he sings it, waiting patiently for the moment when Dark realizes it’s directed at him.

The Host:  **1) + 2) The Little Drummer Boy** ; it’s one of those songs he can use to test his senses by drumming out the beat on his desk and seeing how well he keeps up. If he’s up for a challenge, he’ll do his best to sing it and ask the others to judge him on it, so long as they don’t mind the song being in the third person. It isn’t often that he does, though, because he gets self-conscious about it.

Bim:  **1) Baby, It’s Cold Outside** ; what explanation can I really give for this? XD He’s Bim, he’s flirty, and he’d love to have someone who would stay with him for Christmas!  **2) Christmas Time Is Here** ; whenever they watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, Bim sings along and he’s literally the only one who can hit the high notes without sounding like he’s screaming!

Yandere:  **1) + 2)**   **All I Want For Christmas Is You** ; he loves this song and is great at singing it. Every year he dedicates it to his love, but not very many of the other Egos will give him the time of day when he wants to sing it for them because it’s the same every year. At the moment he’s trying to change the lyrics a little so they’ll realize that all he wants for Christmas is their support and attention.

Silver Shepherd:  **1) Let It Snow** ; he loves snow to death, much more than all of the others do, so he likes to think the song will give him some luck and bring on the cold weather!  **2) Believe (Polar Express)** ; he loves the movie, so he puts a lot of soul into it when he sings it and really brings the magic into it. 

King of the Squirrels:  **1) + 2) Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire** ; Christmas is the only time of year that he’ll settle for chestnuts instead of peanut butter. He likes serenading his squirrels with it and says it gets them into the mood for the season <3


	9. PewDIEPie / Infelix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by someone on Tumblr: Got any Infelix headcanons since there's so little lore about him?

Ahh, DIEpie. Let’s see what I have hanging around my brain about him…

\- His appearance: almost all the color has drained out of his skin; he’s got kind of a milky gray pallor. Under his ears, along his jawline and the sides of his neck are old scars, but they’ve been cut so carefully and methodically that they look like lines of circuitry. The whites of his eyes are gray and his irises and pupils are red; if someone looks into them when they’re very close to his face, the pupils are blurred and hard to focus on and the irises are grainy, like there’s static in them. Like Felix, his hair is bleach-blonde with whitish highlights and it’s always combed straight back from his face, but his bangs usually don’t cooperate. He only ever wears long-sleeve shirts, blacks and navy blues. His appearance doesn’t change when Felix’s does; he can take whichever form of whichever year of his existence. (He started forming as soon as Felix reached a million subscribers, so he’s one of the oldest Youtube personas around.)

\- His abilities: Like Dark and Anti, he can warp reality and manifest himself wherever he chooses and go under Felix’s notice. He can manipulate light, darkness, and others’ sense of time; he could spend all the time in the world with them, but it would only be the span of a regular Youtube video to the viewer, so we can never tell how long he’s actually been influencing us. In our subconscious minds, it could have been hours. In “real time”, it’s only minutes. The timewarp works on other Egos too, much to their dismay. He’s also a keen manipulator, naturally good at finding the loophole in an argument.

\- He cares very little about anyone and believes that “deep down, everyone is like him, but he’s the only one who’s honest about it.” Everyone suffers and is meant to suffer. The only time he feels confident and self-righteous is when he hurts or kills others; he believes he’s showing everyone the truth about them.

\- Marzia is the only exception to the above. If there’s anything he wants more than to murder his way through the hypocrites, it’s her love. He just can’t fathom how she could love Felix and not him. He claims he’s the greater part of Felix, the most genuine part of him. When he’s rejected, he becomes almost wretchedly vulnerable, like he’s devastated, but he can turn on a dime to become hateful and violent just as quickly.

\- He fights with deadly, burning calm, never showing how angry his opponent makes him and purposely staying on the defensive until he finds the smallest window of opportunity to play dirty and hit the most vulnerable point of his enemy. For example, if he were to fight Anti, as soon as the moment came, he’d go for his throat with a bitter little laugh: “Well, look here, Anti, you’ve already done most of the work  _for_ me!”

\- In terms of alliances, he would rather partner with Dark. He hates Mark more than he does Jack, but hates Anti more than he does Dark. Any of the other Dark Personas are nothing to him; he’s easily more powerful and the only reason he hasn’t tried to destroy them yet is because he doesn’t want to go to the effort.

\- For the most part he’s emotionally numb. He goes through episodes of seething anger and manic depression, which is when he works best with Dark, but the alliance usually doesn’t last long if he gets into his coy, distant moods. Dark doesn’t work with someone without knowing their secrets.

\- When he addresses the fans specifically, they literally take on his vision of the world; the screen turns grainy and distorted and the colors slowly invert until everything they see is red. His aura is dim, cool, and gives them a pins and needles sensation behind their eyes, along their faces and hands – the parts which are in contact with the technology he’s using. Other sounds are muffled, like they’re underwater, and his voice is very soft but distinct, as if he’s whispering directly against their ears…


	10. Disorders and Defects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Compiled by suggestions I got from a few anons on Tumblr! They asked what kind of disorders and defects some of the Egos might have and here's what I came up with!

**Chase and/or Henrik are dyslexic**

\- Imagine one of Chase's editors or writers giving him a script for his latest challenge on the Bro Average channel and Chase quickly tossing it aside, telling them he’ll wing it instead – which is why he creates the funky, silly names for his challenges.

\- He’s always doing his best to hide it from the other Egos but he’s unable to resist constantly asking them how to spell things – muttering it under his breath over and over so he can commit it to memory. 

\- Freezing up whenever one of the others asks him to read something to them and instead begging Marvin to do one of his magic tricks and make the book read itself because that’s always SO cool! Trying to listen with the others when the book is being read, but also struggling not to let his humiliation show…

\- He accidentally reads one of his bills wrong and pays the wrong amount…starting yet another argument with Stacy about how they can’t afford all of these mistakes.

\- Making up completely new bedtime stories for his kids instead of the ones they ask him to read – insisting that the story he tells will be much more interesting for them and being so,  _so_ relieved when they actually enjoy it. Perhaps, just for a moment, being glad that his dyslexia gives him the opportunity to hone his skills both as an entertainer and a father.

**

\- Schneep always avoids reading instructions and relies on his memory instead, which is why some of his knowledge is flawed and some of his technical terms are imprecise. 

-  This is why he relies on someone else to do his taxes and other official numbers. It's also possible that this is why he has a paper with "100% Real Doctor" in large letters; he's embarrassed by the fact that he can't read his real professional certificate properly, so he made that one himself.

\- He works in a job that needs spacial thinking skills.

\- As shown in Kill Jacksepticeye, he stumbles occasionally over what he's reading, especially when he's reading it aloud. This is why he still speaks in broken English even after all this time; he always found it incredibly hard to learn when reading all of these new words didn’t come easily!

**Marvin has mild OCD**

\- Marvin pays a lot of attention to instructions, doing things meticulously and methodically so he can get it right the first time. Did you see in his video how he kept rechecking what he was doing? How frustrated he was when he followed all of the instructions correctly and  _still_ didn’t guess his face card right? I already had him pegged as the one who handles most of the chores and organization in the household too, because none of the others do it “right” – or, in Jackieboy’s case, do it at all.

**Jackieboy has ADHD**

\- In his first video, Jackie had a tendency to get distracted easily or forget what he was doing (what links he had already clicked, which codes he’d already found, etc.) He fidgeted a lot – moving his body, messing with his clothes, his mask, headphones, all of it. He couldn’t keep quiet or still, which is why he got kidnapped, and eventually had to admit that he couldn’t even find what he was looking for! 

**The Host is constantly out of sync with time**

His Foresight is always a few minutes ahead at the  _least_ , so whenever one of the others asks him what time it is, he’s probably always a few minutes off. Either that or he’s been having a major flux and is hours ahead of their time. It took a while for any of them to catch on…

The first time it happened, he asked Wilford if dinner is ready to be served and Wilford just looked up from his lunch, completely bewildered, but he brushed it off, thinking maybe he wanted dinner to be a pot roast or chili, something that slow-cooks throughout the day.

Then one time he fell asleep during a group meeting and Dr. Iplier nudged him awake. Afterward he just turned his head wearily around at the group. “The Host doesn’t understand why this meeting is being held at such late hours…” The doctor checked his watch – and it was ten in the morning.

Then Google startled awake in the wee hours when he heard something clattering in the kitchen. He was prepared to go out there and kill it, but it turned out the Host was frying bacon and eggs for everyone’s breakfast and it was only one o’clock. It was when he was steering the Host back to bed that he was finally willing to acknowledge there was a problem.

One of them – most likely Dark – uses their powers to create a means for him to keep the time, even when his visions defy the laws of it. Either that or Dark systematically tells him the time every hour on the hour to keep him updated.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may add more at a later date if I think of some for the other Egos. :D


	11. How They Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The request by an anon on Tumblr: "Hey there....I've had kindof a bad day so do you have any headcannons about how the Egos cry? Sorry if its not okay I'm asking...."

Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! I don’t know if these headcanons will help you feel any better, unless it makes you feel like you’re not alone. If that’s the case, here you go; I hope it helps :(

**Septic Boys**

Anti: He scream-cries, doubled over, clutching at his throat and his shirt and his eyes as if they’re on fire, but it’s really just to stop the tears from coming. He screams and screams until his voice starts to give out and it’s only when it breaks, mid-scream, that he stops. From there, he just hisses through his teeth, as hard as he can. As he calms down, his whole body fritzes and spits static as he sinks onto the floor, breathing raggedly, staring down at his hands.

Jackieboy: He never wants to be seen when he cries. He sits or lies down in his room in the dark, staring meekly at the floor while his vision blurs but sniffling and scrubbing furiously whenever the tears spill over. He berates himself in his mind for being weak and childish but eventually there are more tears than he can wipe away and he just pulls his mask down around his neck because there’s no use for it now. He pulls his hood further over his face and lets himself sob it all out.

Marvin: He refuses to accept he’s even crying. He pulls off his mask right away because he doesn’t want to get it wet and paces back and forth, muttering to himself. “Stop it, stop, you’re just being ridiculous. This is stupid…Why are you even doing this right now? This isn’t even something to cry about, so just suck it up and…” He goes on until he thinks he’s composed and then as soon as he trails off, he just picks up the closest edge of his cape, buries his face in it and dissolves into a weepy mess.

Schneep: He stays quiet as the tears first well up, but once he’s actually crying, he hides his face as best he can against his hands or his sleeves. He whimpers and whines brokenly, sometimes in English and sometimes in German, but he slurs them together so much that no one can understand. That turns into shuddery cough-sobs that he just can’t stop, no matter how hard he tries. He usually cries longer than the others do because he starts to hyperventilate, which upsets him even more.

Chase: He bursts into wrenching, hopeless sobs, right from the gut. All he wants when he’s crying is to have someone hug him but if no one is there, he’ll wrap his own arms around himself as tightly as he can. He doesn’t know what to do with himself; he’s rooted to the spot, wherever he may be, and whenever he tries to move, tries to do anything, he just sobs harder, until it sounds like he’s about to throw up. When he comes down from it, he’s completely exhausted and will usually just fall asleep right there.

Robbie: He wails with the same force as Anti, but he can’t keep it up nearly as long. Once he’s done howling, he always seems like he’s graduated from sad to angry. Like Chase, he has no clue what to do with everything he’s feeling, so he grits his teeth and swings his limbs around wildly at whatever’s closest. If he happens to knock something over, he stops up short, realizes what he just did, and starts keening like he’s in agony. That goes on until he runs out of breath.

Jameson: He keeps it as unobvious and composed as he can, blinking a lot and ducking his head as he fiddles with his hat and his pocket watch, anything to make it seem like he’s completely fine, but eventually his face just crumples and he tries to make himself as small as possible, snuffling and wiping his nose against his sleeve. He doesn’t bother with his handkerchief because most of the time, he doesn’t reach the point where he needs it and if he does, he’s too choked up to remember to use it.

**Markimoos**

Dark: He’s the quietest of the group. He’ll fold his hands and press his forehead against them, hunching his shoulders a little, and the most indication he’ll give that he’s crying is that his breath gets harsher and shakier. Sometimes he’ll make a half-stifled noise low in his throat, something that could have been a sob but was never fully formed. This never lasts long either, so most people never realize that he was crying in the first place. He clears his throat a lot afterward.

Wilford: He legitimately doesn’t realize he’s crying until the sobs start; he sounds almost like he’s hiccupping and he tries, he tries  _so hard_ to smile because of how funny it sounds…Almost immediately they change into long, harsh cries as if he’s in physical pain. If he’s really hurting, the force of them knocks him over. He’ll crouch or go down onto hands and knees, caterwauling all the while, as if someone’s slowly killing him.

The Host: He stiffens, shudders, and rakes his hands through his hair, letting loose an unearthly howl that makes anyone in earshot freeze. That turns into ugly sobbing. His blood-tears are such a dark red that they’re almost brown and they soak through his bandages in a matter of minutes. By the time he stops, the bandages are dripping from the edges and he’s an absolute  _mess_ : blood in his nose and his mouth and his hair, on his face, hands, shirt…He looks like he’s been bled within an inch of his life.

Dr. Iplier: Like Dark, it isn’t very obvious that he’s crying. He breathes very shallowly, swallows a lot, and slumps very low in his chair, pulling his head mirror off and rubbing his hands up and down his arms to keep himself calm. Sometimes he’ll snuffle and gulp over and over because it’s the only way of holding himself together. If he starts to lose containment, he’ll press his hands over his mouth and muffle the sobs as best he can.

Google: He panics because he  _hates_  showing weakness. His systems will start getting overtaxed: his fans start to buzz and his G emblem will start flickering wildly between all sorts of colors.  He’ll stutter for words, try to explain it all away, and end up glitching himself to the point where he freezes. He stays completely still, his eyes glazing over and then welling up with coolant, and he doesn’t make any sound except tiny, desperate little wheezes that no one can hear unless they get really close.

Bing: He takes off his sunglasses and rubs at his eyes with a thumb and forefinger, half-laughing because he thinks he’s being ridiculous, that androids shouldn’t cry, that all of it will pass. He tries to make jokes to distract himself, but it never works. Then he tries to remind himself that he can’t be any more ridiculous than Google and finds the nearest chair, curling into it and pressing his forehead against his knees. He trembles, rattles, and whimpers, and does his best to be discreet about it, but it’s fairly obvious what’s happening.

Yandere: He gets absolutely  _hysterical_ , beyond any chance of calming down. He acts like a combination of a toddler and a teenager, part of him wants comfort and another part of him wants to run and slam his door. He does a lot with his hands when he’s crying, rubbing at his eyes, clutching at his uniform and his skirt and his hair, reaching out for something to hold onto for balance or just waving them around uselessly. If he doesn’t sit in time, he’ll stumble blindly around like he’s drunk and usually ends up falling.

Bim: He swears a lot when he’s trying to hold it together, but the harsh front never lasts long. He starts breathing a lot deeper and faster and blinks hard, fiddling almost frantically with his suit—jerking his jacket straight, pulling on his tie, scuffing his shoes against the floor. Sooner or later his deep breathing exercises turn into helpless, distressed kitten-mewls. He’ll lean against the nearest flat surface and hide his face against his forearm, crying as softly as he can.

Silver Shepherd: He bawls, abruptly and childishly, and hates himself for it, but he can’t help it. As seen in his video, he’ll curl up in the nearest empty corner, sobbing brokenly and holding his hands over his aching chest. He cries with the force of his entire body and it takes a lot out of him, but it doesn’t take long for him to run out of tears. He stays where he is, shuddering and whimpering occasionally until he can muster the strength to get back up.

Edgar: All of his energy and enthusiasm gets sapped out. He sniffles and shifts his weight back and forth, fiddling with his suspenders, clearing his throat, and “coughing” a lot. He’ll mutter excuses for his sudden change in behavior and then leave the room as quickly as he can. Once he finds some privacy, he’ll gasp and groan and hiss through his teeth as the tears spill, feeling like he’s humiliating himself. He usually forgets to take off his glasses beforehand, so they always need a thorough cleaning afterward.

King of the Squirrels: He chokes up incredibly quickly; he can’t speak coherently, so he just whines instead, pulling his furs and cloak as tightly around himself as possible. He completely withdraws, sinking into them for comfort and rubbing his face against them, not even caring if he gets peanut butter on them, and as soon as he’s sure no one can see his face, he sobs as hard as he can. Thoughts keep playing in his head that he’s a failure as a king, but he’s usually able to talk himself down. “The tears will make my subjects’ meal a bit saltier today.”

Jim and Jim: The brothers cry very differently. Cameraman Jim is almost completely silent; the only sounds are muffled sniffs or low, strangled whines because he gets too choked up to even communicate what he’s feeling. Reporter Jim, on the other hand, gets hysterical—long, wheezing gasps that lead to panicky, disjointed babbling which eventually just dissolve into broken, blubbery moans. Reporter Jim takes a lot longer to calm down than Cameraman Jim does, but once one starts, the other follows and it takes a  _while_ before either of them can feel like themselves again.


	12. Their Fears and Phobias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a request from an anon on Tumblr: "I was gonna ask what would the egos biggest fears be?"

Ahhh, I love exploring rational and irrational fears, you have no idea! This should be interesting…

**Septic Boys**

Anti: There’s nothing Anti fears more than weakness and failure. He’d never, ever, ever admit it, but somewhere in the back of his mind he fears the day that Jack and the fans might band together and truly defeat him. Apart from that, he has an  _extreme_  aversion to intimacy and being touched; anyone who tries is likely to get a part of their hand stabbed or cut off.

Jackieboy: He’s afraid of thunderstorms—or at least of the lightning, because when he was a novice superhero and he was learning how to navigate the sky, he got struck by lightning and knocked out of the air. For a while he didn’t dare to fly until he realized that it was keeping him from fulfilling his duty. He’s also afraid of the dentist and getting his teeth cleaned, because he finds it really invasive.

Marvin: He has a fear of dogs, which doesn’t often become a problem unless he runs into one on the street or someone with a service dog happens to come to his magic show. Just the sight of the dog makes him tense up and get flustered and he’ll usually try to get as far away from it as possible, but it’s hard for him to focus after he notices it’s there. If the dog is passing him on the street, he’ll levitate over it as quickly as he can and just hope it doesn’t leap for him.

Schneep: After an unfortunate encounter with Marvin’s magic and the oven, he’s extremely claustrophobic and doesn’t cook very often anymore. He also has a fear of public performance. In the lab or the operating room, he’s supremely confident, but outside he’ll make any excuse not to get up in front of everyone and do something for them, especially alone. He’d much rather cheer the other Egos on from the sidelines. Above all, however… _he fears Anti_.

Chase: He fears being alone. Even when he’s not vlogging, he hangs out with his editors and cameraman just because he clings to their company. They’re not close friends or anything, but if the other Egos are busy, he  _needs_  someone else to be with him. Like Jack, he’s also afraid of heights; he did try to get over it once when viewers of his vlog were demanding a Heights Challenge, but he was paralyzed as soon as he got up there and Jackieboy had to carry him down.

Robbie: He fears being forgotten or abandoned. Rationally, he knows the others take good care of him and that most of the time they  _want_ to, but there’s a part of him that wonders how far their loyalty and care really goes. He’s also afraid of deception, that they’ve been lying to him all this time or that nothing he believes is real…Whenever he starts to have an existential crisis, he finds the nearest Ego, glomps onto them and doesn’t let go, even if he starts to fall apart.

Jameson: He’s afraid of loud noises, even more so than the instinctive startling that the others get, which is very unfortunate given the others’ tendency to hoot and holler constantly. He gets really jittery, overwhelmed with anxiety, and has to excuse himself to a quiet place so he can calm down and listen to nothing but his own thoughts. He also has a milder fear of the dark, so whenever he has to brave it at night, he keeps talking because his speech slides are a light source.

**Markimoos**

Dark: He has an aversion to sleeping because he knows that’s when he’s most vulnerable. Anything could happen, but most of the time he’s able to risk it and sleep lightly for about half the night. The other half he spends reading, planning, or spying on the others, assessing their weaknesses while they can’t stop him. For reasons that he can’t or  _won’t_  recall, he also fears possession—being possessed and seeing others possessed.

Wilford: He’s afraid of responsibility, which is why he’s so often causing chaos and then leaving it behind for other people to clean up. He’s usually able to blame his carelessness on some other factor in the situation, but when he can’t, he gets easily flustered and defensive. He withdraws as much as he can from the situation, provided he won’t look like a coward while he does it. He also fears vengeance from those he’s wronged.

The Host: He doesn’t fear heights, but he does have a fear of  _falling_. It ties into his fear of being lost. When he first lost his eyes, he was completely discombobulated and often had no idea where he was, which inevitably led to him tripping over something and falling. It was humiliating and upsetting and now that he has practice and control of himself, he never wants to do it again.

Dr. Iplier: He may have no problem telling others that they’re dying, but he fears his own death. He dreads what might happen if he weren’t around to take care of the others, which is why he constantly checks to make sure the fans are still interested in him, keeping him alive and well. He also fears others’ opinions. If someone were to tell him that he was a failure, it would devastate him, but he would try not to show it because he wouldn’t want to prove them right.

Google: He fears frailty, change, and inadequacy. Any time his systems overheat in the sun or he malfunctions because of a glitch or doesn’t understand a nuance of what the humans do, it both infuriates and terrifies him. He wants the other Egos’ respect, particularly Dark and the Host, and he wants to be good enough at what he does that they can consider him an ally. Thinking that he hasn’t reached that point yet is what gives him a lot of his determination.

Bing: He has a fear of crowds and of being alone, mostly because of the incident when Google created his “brothers” to gang up on him. Whenever he’s one in a crowd, he gets incredibly antsy and anxious and tries to duck out as gracefully as possible. If that doesn’t work, he’ll just pick up his skateboard and run, no matter who gets in his way. He’s also afraid of his own success; if he were to replace Google as the main search engine, he wouldn’t know what to do.

Yandere: Predictably, he fears abandonment and rejection, but not just from his love. There are only a few other Egos he considers his friends and if they were to leave him behind, he would agonize over it. He’s overly clingy and needy because of it, as a means of testing their loyalty, and any sign that they might be annoyed with him breaks his heart. He’ll become distant and moody towards them until they show him proper attention again or until he can’t stand being alone anymore.

Bim: He has a fear of dogs, which is why he avoids hanging out with Chica when none of the others are there to be mediators and keep her calm. Much worse than that, however, is his fear of insects and reptiles. He panics as soon as he sees a spider or a snake, even if it’s in the backyard, and he’ll screech for one of the stronger Egos to come and get rid of it. Most of them can’t resist giving him a hard time for it, but he hasn’t gotten any better about it over time.

Silver Shepherd: Like Mark, he’s deathly afraid of water and drowning, but not just in the ocean. There have been plenty of times that he’s refused to go swimming with the others because he doesn’t want to imagine what might happen if he got caught underwater. (This largely has to do with Wilford rather violently dunking him, because Will has no concept of self-control.) He also has a fear of vulnerability; he always swallows his pride when the others make fun of him.

Edgar: He shares Bim’s nervousness around reptiles but not to such an extreme; he just takes some healthy steps back and is usually the one Bim sends to get a braver Ego. He also has an unusual aversion to making phone calls and other kinds of advertising; he’d much rather be staring into a camera when he talks because it feels less personal to him than actually addressing someone one-on-one.

King of the Squirrels: He’s afraid of the sight and thought of blood, which is why he largely avoids Wilford, Dr. Iplier, and  _especially_  the Host. He used to have a fear of loneliness that helped him associate with them anyway, but ever since they started ignoring/excluding him from their various activities, he’s accepted that as a part of his life and keeps to himself and his kingdom outside. Because of that, he has eco-anxiety: the fear of environmental destruction.

Jim and Jim: The brothers fear very little but what they do fear, they fear immensely. After the incident in Markiplier Manor, both of them are incredibly paranoid about ghosts, demons, and zombies. Dark absolutely terrifies them because they know he had something to do with the situation and he already despises them because of their nosiness. Apart from that, Reporter Jim is, quite randomly, afraid of going blind and Cameraman Jim is afraid of fire.


	13. How They Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked me how hard it would be to hug all of the Egos, which naturally got me thinking about their hugging styles! Have a hug headcanon dump! It made me feel warm and fuzzy :D Merry Christmas!

**Septic Boys**

Anti:  _Do not hug him_. He’s massively averted to being touched. Jackieboy tried to hug him once when they were both young and foolish and he nearly lost one of his eyes. It was before Anti’s knife-throwing improved, so he missed, but the point still stands.

Jackieboy: He gives the best hugs out of the Septic Egos—the warm, full-body hugs that drain all of the tension out of your body once you relax into them. They’re the kind of hugs that can make you forget about your day and he’ll give them to just about anyone. He’s a gentle bear hugger and he’ll often give the recipient’s back a comforting rub or a pat. Sometimes he’ll tuck their head against his shoulder if they need a little more comfort.

Marvin: He’s not big on hugging because his mask tends to get knocked crooked because of them, so he’ll give a brisk, polite one-armed hug that’s incredibly light compared to the others. He reserves the better hugs for the other Egos; he’ll pull his mask off, take them by the shoulders and pull them snugly against his chest.

Schneep: He’s an excitable hugger who’ll run at you for a hug even if you don’t see it coming. He’ll scoop you up underneath the arms and around the small of your back before lifting you off your feet and squeezing tightly until your back pops. It’s like a Heimlich maneuver from the front, but he’ll only give it to someone he hasn’t seen in a while.

Chase: He’s a brotherly side-hugger who will wrap one of his arms around both of your shoulders and give them a warm squeeze. Sometimes if he’s feeling particularly affectionate, he’ll give your opposite shoulder an additional rub and a squeeze before pulling away. He loves hugging almost as much as Jackieboy does, so he’ll do it with anyone he considers a friend.

Robbie: He’s naturally the type to give a bone-crushing hug, simply because he doesn’t realize his own strength, but the others have instructed him to be gentler because his limbs have a tendency to fall off if he hugs too tightly. He’ll shuffle in for a hug and thump his friend’s back a few times very slowly and carefully before pulling away.

Jameson: He doesn’t hug others very often but he will if you’ve made him especially happy—if you’ve given him a unique gift or a nicely-worded compliment, something intentional and considerate. He’s a brisk, close hugger who’ll give the recipient a vigorous rub on the back, a cheerful word, and occasionally a playful bop on the side of their head with his own.

**Markimoos**

Dark: It’s  _extremely_  rare to witness and it’s practically an event in and of itself. He’s very methodical about how he hugs: he slides one arm underneath the recipient’s, wrapping around their lower waist, and one arm over the opposite shoulder to clasp the side or the back of their neck. It’s a binding hug and he holds them tightly enough that his fingers dig into them, letting them know they aren’t going anywhere until  _he_  decides to release them.

Wilford: He gives a hearty and overenthusiastic hug, as if he hasn’t seen you in years. More often than not, he’ll sneak-attack you from behind because he loves seeing the surprise and (usual) delight when he wraps around his target and lifts them off their feet. Sometimes he’ll set them back down immediately but if he’s feeling especially playful, he’ll give them a little shake or spin with them a few times before letting go.

The Host: He hugs almost as rarely as Dark, but when he does, he’ll give the “London Bridge” hug, the kind where he stays at a distance but leans in just enough to put his arms around the recipient’s shoulders. More often than not, his head is turned away from them because he doesn’t want to get blood in their hair. If he’s hugging someone he trusts, however, he’ll come closer, wrapping his arms around their upper shoulders or the back of their neck.

Dr. Iplier: The doctor gives the kind of sympathetic side-hug that doesn’t reach fully around your shoulders. More often than not, he’ll put his hand on their back, keeping it still and supportive. If they’re especially upset, he’ll pat or rub their back to comfort them but he doesn’t often like to act that familiar. It’s the hug he uses when he gives patients bad news and he’s gotten so accustomed to it that he even uses it with his friends, who don’t particularly like it.

Google: At the start, his hugs feel the most staged out of the lot, but they’re the kind of hugs you adapt and settle into after a few seconds of awkwardness. He pulls them in against his chest by sliding his arms under theirs and lifts just slightly so they’re on tiptoe and he’s leaning down, tucking their nearest shoulder underneath his chin. Usually he’ll rest his hands lightly on their shoulder blades or over their spine. He’ll only relax into it once they’ve relaxed first.

Bing: He’ll give you the friendly, lighthearted “buddy hug”, leaning against you with one arm underneath yours, patting you heartily on your back, or he’ll sling it around your neck and then roll you into a proper hug against him when you least expect it. He hugs very tightly and warmly—enough to make you wince good-naturedly but not actually leave you hurting after he lets you go.

Yandere: He’s the most intimate with his hugs out of the group; he’ll hug his target long and hard, sliding his arms up over their shoulders and crisscrossing them over the back of their neck, so they have nowhere to put  _their_  arms except around his chest or his waist. He tucks his face into their hair or against their neck and just breathes against them. It’s meant to be a relaxing hug, but it’s overly familiar and makes most people uncomfortable.

Bim: He only gives brief hugs, but they’re proper and comfortable. He slides his arms between yours, occasionally one over the other, and knits his fingers together behind your back, squeezing you warmly and firmly so that the hug lingers after you pull away. He usually gives hugs when he’s offering advice or support and it’s the perfect hug to accompany it, the kind to end a good talk and inspire determination.

Silver Shepherd: He would want nothing more than to give hugs to everyone, but he knows most people wouldn’t accept them, so he doesn’t do them unless someone is upset enough not to care. It’s a fatherly hug that lets the recipient press their face against his chest. He cradles them, with a lot of care and warmth and earnestness. It’s the type of hug that you can melt into without being judged; he lets you come or go as far as you’d like, patting your back all the while.

Edgar: He’ll offer the quick and easy one-armed hug that most people give when they’re saying goodbye, locking one arm around the back of your neck and pulling you in suddenly; he’s been known to bump heads with the person he’s hugging. It’s the kind of hug where you can tell he honestly wishes he could stay longer and hug you properly, but he just doesn’t have the time.

King of the Squirrels: He gives a hug that’s fit for a king—a big, snug embrace where he spreads out his furs and wraps them around his friend so they can share the warmth when they’re drawn against his chest. Most people never even think to approach him for a hug, but if someone actually seeks him out for a hug, he’ll do it without question. He does keep his head tilted back, though, so they won’t bump his crown or get smeared with peanut butter.

Jim and Jim: Every hug is a group hug because where one goes, the other follows. Jim and Jim don’t really have a proper technique for it yet, so they’ll just tangle their arms around each other’s shoulders and necks with their target sandwiched between them. Sometimes elbows will bump or they’ll hit each other—or their friend—in the face, but it’s the kind of hug that  _wants_  to be good and is just awkward enough to make it so. It’s the kind of hug you can laugh about.


	14. Their Nicknames For Each Other (Septic Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I recently just got the two nicknames of "Patient" and "Schneepish" on Tumblr because I love Dr. Schneeplestein so much, so an anon asked me this: "So if you have a nick name now do you have headcanons about the Egos' nick names for each other?"

Mwahahahaha, of course I do! I’m still working on my list for the Markimoos, so at the moment you’ll only get the Septic Boys, but it’s enough for a solid post!

 **Anti** :

All of his nicknames are used scornfully and they need no explanation; they pretty much speak for themselves. He almost never uses their actual names. When he  _isn’t_  calling them “Puppets”…

He calls Jackieboy “Hero”

Marvin is “the Charmer” or “Cheapskate”

Schneep is called “Doctor”, “Faint Heart”, or “Daddy’s Little Helper”

He calls Chase “the Weakling” or “Boy”

Robbie is “Braindead”, “Dead Meat”, and “Pushover”

Jameson is “Muzzle-Mouth”, “Yapper”, “Sepia” or “Shabby”

 **Jackieboy** :

Aside from using Anti’s name, he calls him “the Glitch”, “Freak”, and—when he’s feeling a little less antagonistic—his “blood brother”

When Marvin didn’t have a name, Jackieboy called him “Magic Man”, “Speed Streak”, “Flicker”, “Mister Magic Master”, “Cat in the Hat”, or simply “the Magician.” Now he just calls him Marv or Marvin

He’s only called the doc “Schneep” once or twice; he didn’t feel like it suited him. He’s the only one who can call him Henrik without making him feel uncomfortable, so that’s what he uses most

He’ll call Chase by his name, but if he’s teasing him, he’ll call him “Little Brody”, “Slugger”, or “my favorite sidekick” and it usually comes with a complimentary hair-ruffle

He’s always calling Robbie “Stripes” or “Rob the Zomb”, but whenever Robbie is feeling down about something, he’ll call him “Robert” and it makes him feel important

While he doesn’t use nicknames for Jameson very often, he does occasionally use the names that Chase has given him if he wants to get Jameson’s attention in a hurry (see Chase below)

 **Marvin** :

He usually refuses to call Anti by his name; his favorite term for him is “Defect,” which Anti despises even more than being called a “Glitch”. Marvin knows this and uses it constantly

He always calls Jackieboy by his name or by “Jackie” if he wants to get his attention in a serious situation

Schneep is and always will be called just that. When he’s particularly worried about him, however, he’ll call him Henrik (against his wishes) or “You Idiot”

Chase also receives “You Idiot” when Marvin’s worried about him, but most of the time he calls him by his name or by “CB”

Robbie is “Robert”, “Bub”, or “Bertie”, but he knows it’s hard for Robbie to remember all of his nicknames, so he usually just uses his name

He calls Jameson “JJ” or “James”. He only uses Jameson’s full name in serious situations or sometimes he’ll use “Jacks” or “Jackson” if he’s angry with him

 **Schneep** :

Anti is always,  _always_ called either “the Glitch”, “Misfire”, “the Monster”, or “the Demon”

Just as Jackieboy calls him Henrik, Schneep drops the “boy” and calls him Jackie. Occasionally he’ll call him “Hero”, but he says it with a lot more respect than Anti does

He’ll call Marvin by his name most of the time but if he’s talking quickly, he’ll use “Marv” or “Mage”. Sometimes he’ll formally use “the Magnificent”, if he’s talking about him with someone else

For Chase he uses “Buddy” or his full name, “Chase Brody”, the most. If he’s angry with him, he’ll call him “the tiny little Chase brain”, which is basically his version of “Idiot”

He often condenses Robbie’s full name into “Zobbie”, which Robbie loves, but otherwise he’ll call him “Hobs”, “Bertie”, or “Softy”

Jameson is usually “JJ” or “Jamie”, but if he’s feeling particularly affectionate with him, he’ll call him “the little one”

 **Chase** :

He’ll use Anti’s normal name because he’s afraid of him, but he also adopted “Defect” from Marvin, which he uses when he thinks Anti might not be listening. The rest of the time, Anti is simply “Him”

Jackieboy usually gets his regular name, but if the two of them are bantering Chase will call him “Bigshot”, “Fancy Feet”, “Flyboy”, or “Pajama-boy Man” to make fun of him

Marvin is constantly called “Marv” or “The Caped Crusader”, the second of which he hates more than he can possibly say, but Chase uses it anyway

Schneep is “Bro”, “Doc”, “Pepto” or—if he’s trying to argue with him—“the Stup”

Robbie is “Robs”, “Ro”, “Bertie”, “BB”, or “B-Boy”, but he acts as if they’re a secret and calls him by his normal name when the others are around, which naturally confuses Robbie to no end

Chase never uses Jameson’s full name, even when the others are present; instead, he’s constantly getting called “JJ”, “Jem”, “J2”, or “Jays”

 **Robbie** :

Anti is “An”, “Ti”, or “Ati”. Sometimes he’ll call him “Itch”, meaning “Glitch”, simply because he’s heard the others say it so often

Jackieboy is either “Kie” or “Jacks”, and Jackieboy is rather proud of the latter, given that it’s the same name Robbie uses for their creator

Marvin gets the most in the group: “Mar”, “Marm”, “Vin,” “Mags”, or even “Maim”! The last one naturally freaked the others out at first but eventually they got used to it

Schneep gets as many rhyming variations as Robbie can think of: “Sheep”, “Neep”, and “Cheep” are the ones that have made the doc laugh the hardest, so Robbie uses them constantly

Like Marvin, he’ll call Chase “CB” from time to time, but his usual nickname for him is “Ace” and Chase loves it to pieces

Jameson is always either “JJ” or “Ames”

 **Jameson** :

He doesn’t call any of them by nicknames, at least not yet. He tends to think nicknames are impolite, so he’ll use their complete names every time he mentions or addresses them—for example, he doesn’t even use the name “Anti”. He takes the time to say “Antisepticeye.” Other than that, he’ll call each of them “good sir”, “ol’ chap”, or “my fine fellow”, but I’m sure he’ll learn very quickly that he can’t escape from nicknames and he’ll adapt to them.


	15. The Egos + Stacy Brody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An anon on Tumblr asked me: "So judging by your most recent post you said you have headcanons about The Egos and Chase's ex?"

 

 

That’s right, I do! Her relationship with them is obviously contentious after she and Chase are divorced (because nobody hurts their Chase and gets away with it) and when they were together, it wasn't much better. :/

**Anti** : He thought of her and their children as nothing but prey and she was naturally terrified of him, for good reason. When the two of them brought their newborn son, Connor, to Egos Central for the first time, Anti wreaked  _absolute havoc._  He nearly killed both Marvin and Schneep, and Connor ended up marked with Anti’s blood…It was a complete mess, to the point where Jack and Signe had to be called. Needless to say, Anti is a big reason why Stacy refused to let Chase have a “Take Your Kids to Work” day… 

**Jackieboy** : He wasn’t especially happy that Chase chose her to marry, but he tried to stay optimistic and did his best to be polite. He was forced to tread lightly around her, especially when it came to how he interacted with Chase and the kids. Whenever he tried to have fun with them – picking them up and flying them around, for example – she got very overprotective and insisted that he ask for her permission or just not do it at all. Beyond that, Stacy avoided him because Jackie could always detect more of the marital strain than the others. He saw right through her and now he definitely regrets his decision to “let things play out between them.”

**Marvin** : Out of the others, he was the most skeptical of Stacy when Chase introduced her and he made only the  _barest_ attempts to hide it, for Chase’s sake. She didn’t do herself any favors when she implied that his magic wasn’t a real job, so from then on there was something of a petty rivalry between them. Marvin always took any opportunity to make a jab at her. Chase always thought Marv was joking around, since he made all those jabs with a sweet tone and a smile, but Stacy knew that he meant every word and she hated him all the more for it. When the divorce happened, he did wonder if he was part of the cause, but his guilt was for Chase, not for her. All she had earned was his fury, even more so since Chase’s suicide attempt.

**Schneep** : He had very high hopes for Stacy and Chase’s relationship, but Stacy thought of him as an arrogant crackpot, without much to back it up. When she heard about  _his_ failed family life, she became even more judgmental, to the point of trying to alienate him from the kids; she didn’t want his “bad mojo” around them. Henrik, for his part, accepted her disdain and let it roll off with a sad smile. He stayed persistent, always trying to be a part of their lives and using Chase as the means to do that. Sometimes he would offer a free checkup as a way of gaining their trust, but Stacy always refused. When Stacy and Chase divorced, however, all of his hopes and would-be respect for her went out the window. He was heartbroken for Chase and the kids – and for her? He was absolutely  _livid_. 

Now whenever she’s mentioned, Anti full-out  _grins_ , baring all of his teeth and chuckling, amused. Jackieboy purses his lips and shakes his head in grim regret, as Marvin shifts testily, folding his arms and glaring at the nearest wall. Schneep’s whole face darkens and he starts slamming his tools and muttering some rather unseemly things, but he keeps it in German so Chase won’t have to hear and understand. 

And then there’s Chase, his heart sinking all over again as he remembers that he wasn’t the only one she hurt. 


	16. How They React to Flirting (Septic Edition)

**Anti** : When someone flirts with him, he does nothing but giggle and play with his knife, sneering at them with all of his fangs bared. His eyes sputter between blue and black and his glitching intensifies greatly, so any noise he makes comes in stops and starts. Because static obscures him, the flirter can never tell if the expression on his face is one of triumph or hatred, but he certainly doesn’t flirt back. He wants them to work for his affection while he basks in the attention.

 **Jackieboy** : He laughs at first, thinking that they’re just another hero worshipper, but when he realizes they’re serious, his face turns almost as red as his jumpsuit. He laughs again, gentler this time, and starts shifting his weight back and forth. He offers a cute, crooked little smile that eventually turns into a full-on grin, letting the flirter know just how proud he is to be the object of their affections. From there, he’ll probably throw his head back, square his shoulders and make a confident, flirty remark in return.

 **Marvin** : He’s really, genuinely startled; he doesn’t understand why someone would want to flirt with him when there are clearly other versions of him who are just as attractive. If the flirter persists, he cautiously starts to reciprocate until he thinks he can be comfortable with them. He doesn’t like the in-your-face, obvious flirting, just kind, subtle remarks that make him smile. Once he’s comfortable, he’ll become a little dreamy, setting his chin in his hand and just taking in the sights as they flirt gently back and forth.

 **Schneep** : He’s a pretty good flirter himself, but when his target actually  _reciprocates_ , it knocks him off his feet and he becomes a stammering mess. He fiddles with his hands a lot and does his best to respond, but if they openly, blatantly say he’s attractive, he’ll forget how to speak coherently. He blushes an embarrassing bright pink, which makes him all the more flustered. Eventually he’ll hide his face in his hands, but the flirter can tell he’s smiling through his fingers. Once the flirter tones it down a little, he’s able to calm down and focus on answering properly.

 **Chase** : He finds blatant flirting to be absolutely hilarious, but he’ll play along just to see the bystanders’ reactions. If he’s going to respond seriously, however, the flirting needs to be sincere and sweet. He’ll pause, looking the flirter up and down, his whole demeanor softening. He’ll duck his head with just a hint of a smile, flushing, and shift closer in an interested, focused way. All of his attention is on the other person now and it stays that way so he can respond with a coy little remark and a well-timed wink.

 **Robbie** : Most people avoid talking to him at all and even if someone were to flirt, he would be completely oblivious, just sort of nodding or shrugging in response to whatever they were saying. One of the others would inevitably notice and have to explain it to him, but once they managed to get it across, his eyes would go as big as saucers. He’d get the biggest, dopiest smile imaginable and would start hyperventilating a little just because he’s so  _excited!_  Someone likes him! Someone thinks he’s cute! As soon as that processed, he’d march right up to the person who flirted with him and pick them up in a big ol’ bear hug. He doesn’t know how to flirt back, but he knows how to say thank-you.

 **Jameson** : He’d square his shoulders and tilt his head, eyebrows rising, moustache twitching with mingled curiosity and interest at the plucky nerve of this gentleperson. Of course, in responding, he would be a complete gentleman, taking off his hat and holding it against his chest as a sign of respect and care. His eyes sparkle, he chuckles warmly and his smile lights up his whole face as he offers them a bow and a kiss to the hand. He gets very expressive when he flirts back, poeticizing about their beauty and charm and kindness as he serves them tea – he’s already setting up their first date.


	17. How They React to Flirting (Iplier Edition)

**Dark** : Most of the time, he doesn’t give the flirter the time of day; he’s very particular about the kind of person he wants and is incredibly scornful and mocking toward anyone who doesn’t fit the bill. When they do catch his interest, however, he becomes  _predatory_. His aura branches out and envelops them, pushing them closer to him – presenting them for his examination. He circles them, as if they’re his prey, and then grabs them when they least expect it, pulling them against him, testing how well they fit there. He inevitably ends up shoving them away.

 **Wilford** : As we all know, Wilford is definitely a player. When someone flirts with him, he gets the biggest, cockiest grin on his face, the one he’s infamous for, and starts purring sweet and sexy remarks to them. He’s all over the blatant innuendos and is completely guiltless about them, even if it shocks the person he’s flirting with; in fact, that’s even better! He loves catching them off guard, so he’ll do whatever it takes to get that reaction that he craves. He especially loves coming around to them and dipping them into a surprise kiss. It’s one of his favorite ways to start a relationship, even if that relationship doesn’t last long.

 **The Host** : He’s completely stunned. He can’t even comprehend why anyone would flirt with him, but as soon as he processes his disbelief, he melts. He offers a small, soft smile and looms over them, murmuring things about how lovely they are and how he doesn’t deserve their attraction or even their attraction as he lifts his hands and runs them through their hair or over their face…seeing if they’ll accept his affections in return. He drives a  _very_  hard bargain, though; if they flinch even slightly, he’ll deem that they don’t actually mean it and he’ll go back to his work as if nothing happened. If they’re not all in right away, they probably never will be.

 **Dr. Iplier** : Have you seen the doctor’s bedside manner – or the  _lack_ of it? He’s just as bad at flirting. Any opportunity he has to make a good romantic connection is inevitably ruined when he makes a stupid, overconfident remark that judging by their interest, they would definitely be willing to die for him.

 **Google** : Surprisingly enough, Google is actually excellent at flirting – almost as great as Wilford! He has access to all kinds of lovely one-liners and dating techniques, so if any flirter wants someone with experience, they’ll be smart to go with him. However, if they catch him off guard with their flirty remarks and he isn’t  _prepared_  with a response, he’ll become incredibly flustered. His eyes will spark suddenly and he’ll fidget, uncomfortable and annoyed that he hasn’t seen this coming. He’ll stammer a little, flushing pale blue as he searches his database frantically for a proper response, but what ends up coming out probably won’t be that great. This will make him even more flustered, so he’ll usually end up just doing an about-face and escaping the situation until he can redeem himself.

 **Bing** : He isn’t as good at flirting as Google is; judging by the fact that his Safe Search censors a lot of his response, he’s pretty uncouth when he’s going about it too! When someone flirts with him, however, he basks in the attention, beaming, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose and folding his arms proudly. He craves their affection, so he’ll do whatever he can to keep it, even incredibly reckless things that might get him hurt/broken. He wants nothing more than to show off for them and earn their delighted applause.

 **Yandere** : He’s awed by the fact that he’s earned their attention and bursts into giggly, girlish squealing, spinning around the room so his skirt flares out all around him. Before they know what they’ve brought on themselves, he’s already running to the unknowing flirter with open arms. He’ll stop just short of hugging them though, cupping their face instead and gasping softly, as if he can’t believe he’s even touching them. He’ll start cooing tender, sweet nothings to them: they’re so beautiful and sweet and they have the loveliest laugh and they speak their mind and he just can’t believe how wonderfully, perfectly  _perfect_  they are.

 **Bim** : As seen in his video, Bim is a huge, romantic flirt who will promise the world to anyone who acknowledges his interest in them. He only has eyes for specific people, however, so it’s pretty difficult for others to get the message across that they like him. Once they do, he’ll stop up short, his whole face slowly going crimson, but he’ll be smiling the entire time. He’ll nod a few times, letting their compliments soak in, and then laugh lightly, taking on a casual, suave attitude and flirting back with some of the cheesiest lines this side of his imagination.

 **Silver Shepherd** : He’ll never see it coming, so he always ends up squirming and wringing his mitts furiously as he stammers for an answer. He looks as if he wants to be anywhere but where he is and if he gets desperate enough, he may actually go for a distraction tactic and escape once the flirter looks away. Just as they become disappointed and are about to give up, however, a “mysterious stranger”, his secret identity self, saunters up and starts flirtatiously sassing them until they go completely speechless. (In fact, this is his means of making sure they back off, because he is still completely and utterly in love with his girlfriend, Roxanne.)

 **Edgar** : He’s the most gentlemanly of the group, taking the flirting professionally with a mere tip of his hat in response. Even if he’s interested in the flirter too, he does his best to stay curt and polite. Not only does it keep them on their toes, he already has a son he doesn’t want from a marriage that failed, so he takes flirting very seriously. He wants them to know that while it is appreciated, he’s not equipped to give them anything more than a smile and a kiss to the cheek.

 **King of the Squirrels** : He just becomes the softest, biggest sweetheart when it comes to people flirting with him. He loves only the gentlest kind of flirting and will respond best to that, looking down on them with warm and adoring eyes. He may very well start flirting back, albeit very subtly and mysteriously, so they can’t quite tell if he’s reciprocating or not until he takes their hands or puts an arm around their shoulders – some kind of gesture to show them that their affections are well received. He may not be great at the kind of playful flirting most people like, but he’s great at returning their affections with care.

 **Jim and Jim** : While the doctor may be bad at flirting, these two are the absolute  _worst_. Both of them are completely oblivious to someone flirting at them and when one of the others, rolling their eyes, takes the time to point it out, Reporter Jim automatically grabs the unsuspecting victim’s hand and drags them off on their next great reporting adventure, even if it’s incredibly dangerous… _especially_  if it’s incredibly dangerous. If he was the object of their affections, this is a way of testing how interested they are, seeing if they’ll stick with him through the worst of what he goes through. If Cameraman Jim was the one they were flirting with, well…it’s a way of making sure they aren’t going to mess around when it comes to his brother.


	18. Their Drunken Shenanigans (Septic Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An anon on Tumblr asked: "Do you have any headcannons about the Septic egos and drinking? Like how well they can hold their alcohol, whether they drink it at all or have a problem with it, stuff like that? (I would ask about Mark’s egos but since he literally can’t drink, I’m thinking they wouldn’t be able to either)"

Yeah, I tend to think Mark’s Egos can’t drink either (unless it’s Wilford, given that he can basically do whatever he wants, die, and then come back and do it again!) As for the Septic Boys…

 **Anti** : There’s nothing he won’t drink and he handles it  _very_  poorly, as he handles most things; he only ever drinks to get drunk, not for the pleasure of it. When he’s drunk, he becomes a jittery, furious,  _terrifying_  emotional roller coaster. Half the time, he won’t be able to cope with what he’s feeling; his glitching will spaz out beyond his control, contorting his body into inhuman positions or transporting him to different sides of the room until he’s quite literally bouncing off the walls, cackling or screeching madly until everyone else in the room has to flee if they don’t want to go deaf. The other half of the time, he’ll gladly snatch up the nearest empty bottle and beat someone to death with it. When he’s hungover, however, he’s the exact opposite: he sits in the corner of his ravaged room with all of the lights off. All anyone can hear is white noise.

 **Jackieboy** : He rarely ever drinks unless he needs to unwind and he’s sure the city is safe; the  _worst_  thing he can imagine is being called out to fight crime while he’s tipsy! Because of this, he can’t hold his liquor in the slightest and spirals down  _fast_. If he was already tired when he started, he’ll fall asleep immediately, but sometimes he’ll do his best to stay up and spend time with the others. Somewhere in his head, he knows he’s drunk and doesn’t want them overdoing it too, so he gets overly touchy with them, trying to drag them to a seat or take their drinks away. He’ll become really mopey and hurt if they show any sign of rejecting him, but he’ll usually pass out before he can be mad. The next day, he’ll still be exhausted, but he’ll suck it up for work.

 **Marvin** : He can hold his alcohol very well and usually doesn’t drink for the sake of getting drunk; he just wants to enjoy himself, but if the situation calls for getting drunk, he’s more than willing to. As long as no one tries telling him what to do, he’ll be an enthusiastic and giggly drunk, 120% enthusiasm and about 2% skill. Before he knows it, he’ll be up on the table trying to perform for the others, but his control over his magic is  _awful_  in this state, so he always makes a mess of it. If someone tries to get him to settle down, however, all traces of fun disappear. A switch is pulled and he’ll turn on a dime to become aggressive and foul, threatening to turn people into animals and making such a scene that the whole party will probably get thrown out.

 **Schneep** : He’s built up a tolerance to the standard coffee and whiskey he has every evening, but if he decides to splurge, it doesn’t take long to get him drunk; he’ll drink  _twice_  the amount the others do in the same amount of time. Depending on his day, he’ll either be a bitter, emotional drunk who just wants someone to hold him or he’ll become a walking hazard sign, sweeping stuff off tables and doing things that are actually really dangerous without understanding why he shouldn’t. His entire English dictionary disappears when he’s out of it, so it’s pretty hard for the others to communicate the danger to him. Once they manage to pin him in one place, however, he’ll pass out pretty quickly. He’s an oversensitive, angry  _nightmare_  when he’s hungover.

 **Chase** : He can hold his alcohol better than average and maintains a lot of self-control with the number of drinks, especially if he’s with his kids, but if he’s alone, he’s depressed, and he’s actually  _trying_  to get drunk, he’ll go downhill pretty quickly because he just doesn’t care to be careful. He’ll be a stressed, sad drunk who keeps his head on the counter or the table for most of the night, whining about something or another. Once he’s hit the bottom, he latches onto whoever’s closest and won’t let go until they carry him home. The next day, he stays bedridden – not because of the hangover but because of how guilty he feels for stooping to that level.

 **Robbie** : He did manage to get his hands on some beer once and  _only_  once. It wreaked total havoc with his poor body. He was a jittery, panicky drunk because he had absolutely no idea what he was feeling or if the alcohol was  _meant_  to do what it was doing, so he had several random, incoherent teary outbursts where the other Egos just couldn’t get him to tell them what was wrong. He crashed hard and was really sick and miserable for several days afterwards, so he’s never going to touch the stuff again.

 **Jameson** : He can hold his liquor the best out of the group, not because he’s had the practice but simply because he has a strong stomach. He rarely ever drinks enough to get drunk; the farthest he’ll go is comfortably tipsy, but if it’s on an off-day or his nerves are shot, he’ll down several drinks really quickly to distract himself. He might not even notice that he’s gone too far until he’s stumbling around, running into doorframes. Once he actually realizes he’s drunk, he’ll become decidedly frustrated with himself and take it out on others by being cranky and competitive, constantly challenging them to a brawl. As soon as the hangover hits, however, he’ll melt into a miserable, contrite pile of apologies.


	19. Their Body Types

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An anon on Tumblr asked: "I have a question. Do you headcanon the egos as all having the same body type? Like, are they all exactly like mark (or jack) or do they have slightly different weights or characteristics?"

Well, I do headcanon that they have some slight differences just because each of them was created at a different point in Mark and Jack’s life, so their bodies are sort of preserved in the current state of their creator when they were created – if that makes any sense?

**Septic Boys**

Anti: He’s the second-tallest, just under Jackieboy, and he’s sharper and bonier around the edges, clearly underweight, but that doesn’t seem to stop him from having insane and dangerous strength

Jackieboy: He’s taller and more well-toned than the rest of them; his muscles are clearly more defined than theirs but occasionally he’ll have a little bit of chub around the stomach because of all the sugary foods he loves

Marvin: He’s tall, trim and well-defined, but not as broad as some may think; he has more volume because of the illusion his cape provides

Schneep: He’s squarely between Jackie and Marvin in height, but a little slimmer in the waist and hips—he’s definitely not as bony as Anti, but he’s definitely underweight by a few pounds

Chase: He’s the most similar to Jack—medium build, decent muscle showing around the arms but otherwise fairly standard; his weight fluctuates slightly depending on how much he’s been drinking to cope with his family life

Robbie: He’s a little stockier, naturally hunched over, and he’s more big-boned than the others, but his muscles look rather atrophied…at least until he gets his hands on you

Jameson: He’s only a squeak taller than Robbie but he’s very fit—definitely not as muscled as Jackieboy, but enough that people who are smart would avoid hitting him

**Markimoos**

Dark: He’s tall and broad, though his suit tends to disguise his muscle. He’s not the brawniest out of the group, but if he were to take off the jacket, his muscles would be clearly defined

Wilford: He’s essentially a brick wall—medium build, stockier posture, and much more muscle than fat. His garish clothing hides it and his diet is mostly candy, so no one knows exactly what his secret is

The Host: He’s got loftier posture and is leaner and sharper in the chest and hips because of it. When he takes off the coat, however, he’s got well-toned muscle in his arms from many batting years

Dr. Iplier: The doc is somewhere between Wilford and the Host in height and though his muscle isn’t clearly defined, he’s stronger than most would expect. He does have a slight bit of chub because of long hours at his desk, though

Google: At first glance he seems fairly standard with a slightly-taller-than-average build, but he’s broad and toned and whoever antagonizes him will find he has superhuman strength that his frame understates

Bing: He’s only a few inches shorter than Google and he’s trim instead of broad, but he’s got a sturdy, athletic frame made for running and is almost as strong—almost.

Yandere: He’s slimmer and more femininely wavy in build than the rest, so his clothes fit oddly on him and make him look younger than he is, but he’s a lot stronger than he looks

Bim: Befitting his name, he’s trim and medium-build, a little greater than Yandere in height, but there’s nothing too defined or toned about him; he’s not exactly a fighter

Silver Shepherd: Thanks to his costume, he seems like he’s a lot lankier than he actually is but when he takes his costume off, it’s clear that he’s the most similar to Mark frame-wise

Edgar: He’s essentially a shorter and stockier version of Wilford, with a pretty equal amount of muscle and chub; it’s hard to tell on him which is which

King of the Squirrels: He’s on the shorter end and has the most youthful face, but his cloak gives him the illusion of height and age. He’s got the build of a dedicated jogger, thanks to all the running he does

Jim and Jim: Cameraman Jim is slightly taller and slimmer than Reporter Jim, but neither of them are particularly well-defined when compared to the others. They do have strong legs, though, for fleeing from the demons…


	20. Their Musical Instruments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by a Anon on Tumblr _and_ a Guest on here: the instruments the Egos play or would play if they could! :D

**Septic Boys**

Anti: He’s the best with the cymbals, though no one but Jackieboy has ever heard him play them and it was an unnerving experience

Jackieboy: He’s really good with the French horn

Marvin: The electric guitar is his thing. He doesn’t even need his hands for it; he can just cheat and use his magic!

Schneep: He’s great with the piccolo and the glockenspiel but he doesn’t play often; he actually prefers to sing, so the others back him up!

Chase: He plays the drums because it makes him feel closer to his creator, since it’s something they share

Robbie: He loves the sound and feeling of playing the maracas and as long as he does it gently, his limbs won’t fall off

Jameson: He’d pick up the piano incredibly quickly, so he’d naturally play some old-timey bar tunes!

**Markimoos**

Dark: He wants the organ every time he sees one, which is admittedly rare, but he’ll settle for a piano if he has to

Wilford: Give this man a trumpet and your ears will never be the same!

The Host: He could play the flute beautifully, as long as he washed his hands before playing so his fingers wouldn’t stick

Dr. Iplier: Give the doctor a cello—or don’t, if you want to avoid hearing his strange puns about “cellos” and “cells”…y’know, since he’s a doctor? Never mind.

Google: He’s great with a multitude of instruments, but he’s not big on making music, so the most he’ll play are the violin, piano, and clarinet

Bing: He’s great with the xylophone and the snare drum and he’s more than willing to challenge Google to a battle with them!

Yandere: He loves playing the violin and composing his own songs for his love

Bim: Give him the bass!

Silver Shepherd: He rarely ever plays because he gets self-conscious, but he’s really good with the saxophone

Edgar: He prefers the trombone!

King of the Squirrels: He loves serenading his subjects with the bassoon!

Jim and Jim: Reporter Jim is a master of the accordion and Cameraman Jim is great at the harmonica. Sometimes they’ll perform duets!


	21. When They're Sick (Iplier Edition)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asked by an anon on Tumblr: "What would happen if the iplier’s got sick? How would they react? And that they would get sick?"

Oh, I imagine they would have  _massive_ personality changes! 

\- Dark would do his best to hide it, but he wants nothing more than for someone to mop his fevered brow and cater to his every whim while he curls up in bed and barely moves except to open his mouth for the spoon. It doesn’t happen often, however, so he musters the anger and the energy to do it for his two friends, because they’re the only ones who don’t  _expect_ it from him.

\- Wilford becomes uncharacteristically snappish and uncomfortable in his own body, curled into a ball on the couch, coughing and sneezing into his blankets and yelling at anyone who tries to help him or hand him tissues. He doesn’t want to be touched or helped; he just wants to be left alone for once. Once someone manages to force their help on him, though, he’ll grudgingly accept it.

\- The Host becomes even quieter than usual, a lot sleepier, and he just sort of…lets anyone do anything to him. He’s easily confused and he doesn’t want to be alone. (A/N: I plan on writing a story with an extended cut, which is why this description is short)

\- Dr. Iplier doesn’t stop work, even when he’s sick, unless it  _really_ starts interfering, in which case he flops on the couch, puts his feet or his head in Wilford’s lap whether he likes it or not, and watches television until he falls asleep. He sleeps a lot more when he’s sick, but if he’s up, he’s wandering aimlessly around.

\- Google and Bing are absolutely  _aghast_. They thought they were impervious to this, but it seems even they can catch viruses – maybe not of the biological kind, but for some strange reason it seems when the rest of the household is sick, their systems start acting up. Google usually takes it harder, since his systems are much more glitchy. He starts lagging and getting drowsy and randomly inducing hard shutdowns, while Bing is shivering and stuttering violently. It may be the  _one_ time they try to help each other through it.

\- Yandere gets completely miserable. Whenever he gets sick, it hits him hard, so he creates the biggest bundle of blankets he can and cries into them. Any kind of physical activity makes him want to cry some more, so he usually doesn’t move much. He gets incredibly needy and wants even more attention than usual; he’s usually the most high-maintenance.

\- Bim does his best to hide it as long as he can and most of the time it works; the others usually don’t know he’s sick until they’re well along in their own infections. He always dresses himself up and makes himself look as perky as possible in the hopes that he can keep working – at least until he starts bombing his rehearsals for his show. That’s when he knows he needs to stop.

\- Silver Shepherd has earned the nickname “Batman” when he’s sick; he basically becomes nocturnal, sleeping all day in the darkest rooms available and then wandering around at night. What he could be doing is anyone’s guess, but it’s really frustrating when he wakes up those who have trouble sleeping when they’re sick!

\- Edgar becomes a zombie – dead-eyed looks, shuffling aimlessly – and half the time he doesn’t know or care what’s going on around him. He doesn’t have anything to do, since he can’t be around the babies without infecting them, so he’ll just walk the halls or sit somewhere that he obstructs an entryway. He can’t care to get up.

\- The King of the Squirrels gets cold and wants physical touch to stay warm, but if he thinks he can’t get it, he focuses all of his efforts on the squirrels. He wants them to be well-taken care of, no matter what state he’s in. It usually takes an unfortunate injury while he’s stumbling around to ground him long enough to recover. (See "Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed" for the extended cut!)

\- Jim and Jim call Mama Jim as soon as one of them gets the barest of sniffles. They’re hypochondriacs of a sort, at least when it comes to illnesses, so they immediately want their mom to take care of them. Along the way, she usually ends up taking care of all the other Egos too, but she fawns on her boys the most and they crave it. They spend all their time huddled in bed; the only time they get up is to bathe.


	22. Their Full Names and Aliases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An anon on Tumblr asked: "Since we've been talking about middle names what do you headcanon the Egos' are?"

That is a really good question! I had to get creative and exotic for this one!

**Septic Boys**

Anti: None

Jackieboy: Jackie Benson McLoughlin (Secret identity/Alias) 

Marvin: Marvin Fisher McLoughlin

Schneep: Henrik Myles von Schneeplestein

Chase: Chase Harrison Brody

Jameson: Jameson Thomas Jackson

**Markimoos**

Dark: Damien Alexander / Celine Victoria (Surname unknown)

Wilford: Wilford Livingston Warfstache

The Host: None

Dr. Iplier: Edward Anthony Iplier

Google: Neel Roderick Fischbach (Human alias)

Bing: Benjamin Ross Fischbach (Human alias)

Yandere: Unknown

Bim: Bim Tobias Trimmer

Edgar: Ed Ednarb Eddeth Edgar (Canon)

Silver Shepherd: Caleb Julian Shepherd (Secret identity/Alias)

King of the Squirrels: Isaac Artemis Fischbach (He has to have a  _kingly_ name!)

Cameraman Jim and Reporter Jim: Jim Jimerson Jim and Jim Jimian Jim

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're enjoying! Leave a kudos or a comment to tell me what you thought; I'd love to hear from you! If you want to learn my thoughts/headcanons about any specific character, feel free to request it! I'm sure I can write up some ideas for them in no time!


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